Deleting

I want to start out fresh. Bad habits are going to be broken and I'm hoping that they wont happen anymore. Deleting many things right now. Some made me kinda sad but its for the best and im ok with that. Its what needs to be done. Ill be basically only on here and facebook from now on. I mean yeah ill use other cites when needed like the online radio and what not. But other then that, nope. I deleted accounts and a bunch of other things. Gonna be tough...but i can do it.

Explanation

I guess ill explain this on here because when i said it to you, you seemed worried and confused. I told you that when i say I love you to you i get almost nervous. Now, nervous probably isnt the best word for it, so ill explain. When i say I love you to you, I get really bad butterflies in my stomach and my heart starts racing, but this is all a good thing. Telling you that i love you is a really big deal for me because of how much i love you. Those three words arent like the other words in the world when i say them. They have a great meaning behind them. So i guess i just have a strong reaction to the words because when i say them to you, they have such a strong meaning behind them. I hope this makes sense to you

Today Was....Special

Well, i guess I'm going to tell you about my day because it was rather...interesting. In the good and bad way. Well to start off my day i went and applied at The Lakehouse...really hoping to get a job there. Then i headed over to Deric's so we could have our movie cuddle kinda day. So we start by watching Easy A, and i mean as anyone should know, things started happening...that kinda stuff...we happened to be unclothed and his mom kinda barged in. Holy hell embarrassing...but what was worse is the fact that she did it because my mother showed up. FML at this point. From there it was a rush to get clothed and see my mother, who only wanted to tell me that she was going to fill the cars gas tank. But afterwards she proceeded to have a long talk with mainly Deric about doing stuff in the house blah blah blah (mainly him because i was too embarrassed to talk or even show my face really.) That whole conversation was oh so embarrassing..so very much. After that we just kinda cuddled and watched Transformers 3 because that had definitely killed both our moods...or at least mine. But i guess in the end that didn't stop us. I really have to say though that I love Deric to death. He tells me that he misses me even if he saw me like 2 hours before or the night before, he tells me that I'm lovely and beautiful. He makes me feel special, like really really special and that I'm worth something in this world. He never fails to tell me he loves me every single day no matter what. I never have to earn an I love you, and that means the world to me. He is just so sweet to me and he spoils me. Yeah i know you do, and i appreciate it. It shows you care about me. Deric's also willing to do anything with me at anytime. Like seeing the sunset, which if you know me..I'm a sucker for, and he will go see it with me and let me take pictures of him and us and hes ok with it even if he does get a little annoyed with it sometimes. Derics just an amazing guy. But after Transformers we went and ate dinner at my house and Cameron and Deric proceeded to beat each other up with a dog toy. Then we went back to Deric's house and watched the new Misfits!! LOVE that show. Robert Sheehan is definitely like one of the best actors ever, along with Emma Stone, and I'm so freaking sad hes leaving the show. So sad. After that we went and watched the sunset at the beach. Deric had brought along pasta and cherries to eat and he first fed the seagulls pasta. Twas good pasta...but then he fed them the cherries. Who knew seagulls could swallow a whole cherry...let alone 6.....I think that seagull will be dead in the morning and Deric is the one who killed it. We took pictures then went back to his house again and watched Footloose(which they are remaking..which is LAME!!!!!) What when on during that movie was fun, and so was after. Deric tried on my short shorts....dear god that was too funny. But never again cause it was just very weird but still too dang funny. We also got chocolate from the store because a girls gotta have her sweets during that time of the month. Then i found some stuff in his brothers coat pocket (didn't know it was his brothers till a little after i found it). It was something that was done long ago that i know Deric stopped doing, and i trust him when he says he doesn't do it anymore. I think the reason i gave you that look was because of yes the reasoning of why is that there but also because my brain had a thought of something along the lines of I thought you would have gotten rid of all the evidence of that a long time ago. But Deric, you don't lie to me and you never have. EVER. It takes someone with a lot of guts and one hell of a big heart to do that. It means a lot to me to know that you don't lie to me and you don't go behind my back and do things like that. And trust me, I would never accuse you of doing it because i know that if you did or were, you would tell me. Deric, I love you and have complete trust in you. I really do. So yeah...it was a good/bad/weird day.

Does this sound weird? I'm bored because i have no work to do because i got it all done in July because i didn't procrastinate at all.

All In The Film

As much as people are getting divorced nowadays, its nice to see something that still believes that people can make it through their whole lives with each other no matter what happens. Went and saw Crazy Stupid Love with Deric tonight and i know that the people in the movie did kinda go separate ways with people...but in the end they fought for each other and ended up back together. For me this was nice to see because when you have parents that are fighting divorce and could be on the verge of it happening any day at who knows when..it starts to put doubts in your mind that love just doesn't work out. But this movie pushed those aside and kinda helped me to realize that no matter whats happening, love still does work out. I kinda feel like the son in the movie and the movie itself was the big speech from his father. Idk...i really liked the movie and it made an impression on me, and a very good one at that.

New Life Goal

To ride in a hot air balloon someday.

Nights

Why is it at night, when I'm guaranteed to be by myself, that i want you near me more than ever? I just want to be able to cuddle with you before i fall asleep. I want you to be near me when i fall asleep, i want to be in your arms. I want to wake up to your face. I keep getting this feeling every night for the past like week now. I guess you could say its annoying in a good way. Just..this is how I've been feeling.

I love...

"Your smile"
"Your eyes"
"The way you do that."
"The way you act when you get embarrassed like this....its cute."
"How you act when you see a cute puppy..its adorable"
"Your mind. I guess that's the best way i can put it. You are smart, intelligent, and are easy to carry on a conversation with, but your still reckless enough to do something stupid. Which is a good thing."

                                              -Quoting Deric