Maybe...Just Maybe

So...I have an interview at Home Depot, its a home improvement store, on Saturday at 1pm. It's to be a cashier and I am really hoping that its going to turn into something good. Like a legit job, do you have any idea how amazing that would be? SO AMAZING. I really want a job.....really really badly. I honestly would rather not work at Frosty Oasis again...its a great place with great people and i am apparently supposed to get hours the second summer you are there....but it always frustrated me. Like, i never was never guaranteed hours there, i was scheduled yes, but they called me off a lot. Which in a sense i liked, but hated more than anything because when you are trying to have a job and an income, that just doesn't work at all. But if I am able to get this job...things will be starting to fall into place. Life will finally be going somewhere, cause it has gone somewhere for a bit, then it got a huge blow and fell back to right where it started. But a job would be picking it back up again. Life that needs to happen would be able to start. So, lets hope something comes of this.

Technology And I Have A Mutual Hate

Oh my lord i am going to kick technology in the face. I hate it so freaking much. Phones can stay, those are nice. But i hate it when computers crash and things get lost and flash drives don't work. I also hate how word has like a million versions and there is no universal one so it may or may not work from one computer to the next, that bugs the hell outta me. Then when the printer goes down and doesn't work and then the computer exits out of your important research paper and renames the file on your flash drive so you have a mini panic attack thinking that you lost your whole entire 7 page paper. Technology, you could use a swift kick in the ass. I am gonna be done with you for a bit now because i am so frustrated with you. So goodbye for a little bit, until i need you again for who knows what cause the world doesn't seem to be able to operate without you. Gahhhhhhh

Another Saying From A Wonderful Someone

"I don't tend to pay attention to the weather when I'm around you."

                                                              -Deric

This boy just makes me feel wonderful. Yes i do get emotional over things like this at times because they are just so sweet and they make me feel important and wonderful. I am honestly amazed by you every single day because you are just so wonderful to me. I love you.

Christmas Dance 2011

Well, the Christmas dance went really well. It was fun, though it went by super quickly. Three hours is far from enough time to go dancing. I guess that one night at Envy is making me think this way. Oh well, still had a blast. We went to Russ' before the dance fore dinner, before that we had stopped at the high school so that Mike could see us because he had really wanted to before we went to the dance. Russ' was good though, it always is, they have great cheap food. Then afterwards we headed for the dance. We went in, got our pictures done right away so that they looked good. Then we took off our shoes and headed onto the dance floor. Which at that time was basically empty and we really were the only ones on it. But that didn't mater at all. All i wanted was to dance with Deric, that's all i wanted. Then once more people came onto the floor everything got into full swing. We danced the night away. There were 3 kinda 4 slow dances, one each hour, and each one was great. I didn't mind what song was playing, i just felt so close to Deric, it felt amazing to be with him as he just held me close and just danced with me. I love him more than i can even describe, more than i think i even know. The up beat songs were just as fun to though, just having fun grinding and what not. The only bad things were a really bitchy girl and a friend of hers being really annoying and like slamming into Deric, then another kid who like wouldn't give us any room and ended up not leaving Deric be so we finally just moved cause he was super annoying. Other then that and a few strange things, like a girl who was sideways in front of me going way down when she was grinding on another girl then suddenly straight on going that far down which ended up with her head basically in my crotch and then another girl with her face basically in my ass doing the same thing, the dance went great. Time flew and i really wasn't even getting tired. The only pains i had were my knee acting up, but i was having to much of a good time to even let it bother me. Then we headed back to my house, changed, then me and Deric went to Walmart to get some snacks for the night cause i got to spend the night at his house again. When we got to his house though i was so exhausted. I basically climbed into his bed while he picked a movie to watch and started falling asleep. Deric got into bed and we cuddled and watched the movie. I don't really remember much of it though cause i basically passed out. Then i wok up around like 4 am and Deric was still up and then stuff happened, then we just talked for a bit. Poor Deric had trouble sleeping cause his sleep schedule is so weird, he had been awake the entire time i was passed out. I was kinda astonished by that cause i asked him what he was doing while i was asleep for like 3 hours He said he was keeping me warm, keeping me company, and making sure that i felt loved. He is so amazing, it was so sweet. Deric, I know that you love me and i know that I love you just as much. I love you more than anything. You make me happy every single day, and you tell me that you love me every chance you get, you even kiss me on the nose and on the forehead. Those little things make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world cause i think i have the best guy out there. I love you Deric, thank you for everything that you do and thank you for always making my nights wonderful.

And This Is Why I Don't Get Too Hopeful.....

Well....it was worth a shot, got hopeful, had a new plan that seemed like it would be possible to do, then i saw the requirements.....and they don't apply to me. I really did want to go to Aquinas, but the only way that would be possible were to be if i got yet another scholarship..or many more..or if i could attempt to get a full ride in a scholarship competition that they do. I was kinda excited and hopeful with the idea of possibly being able to compete in this scholarship thing. But they have fine line requirements that i didn't see till now, and unless I magically get like 4 points higher on my ACT score, or get even smarter and raise my GPA to like a 3.7 or 3.8.....i cant even enter the competition. Putting GPA and ACT score together there is a minimum of 61 points needed to enter. I only have 58, so basically i am not smart enough to enter for the scholarship. And here i thought that i was doing really well in school and that i was smart, according to college though that isn't the case. Looks like ill be going to MCC for my first two years of college for sure now. Definitely have a case of disappointment and I'm actually kinda depressed right now even. I always get hopeful, always, and i always end up getting crushed. Could use one hell of a big huge right now. I know I'm retaking the ACT tomorrow morning, but it isn't like I'm magically going to do so much better on it. I'm sad, mainly for the fact that i really thought i could get somewhere in life, things were really working out and falling into place. Now though, they fell out of it and i have to start over. Thank you for accepting me Aquinas, i would love to go to your college, but I don't have enough money to go to you and I'm not brilliant enough to apply for things that will help me go to you. So I'm sorry but ill have to decline. I'm not really going to say anything more about  this to anyone for a long while, even to my mother because i was hopeful and i feel like she'll laugh at me for even trying. I'll keep this info to myself and any of you who read this post will know it to, but other then that no one will. So MCC it is, I'm staying in town then which is good, gives me another two years to figure life out. But...i don't know if they have the classes i need....and I'm just sad about this. MCC is great and all, but i don't know. I want my giant hug.

The Onion Rings Smited Me

So just a recap on the good random things that have been happening lately, besides the fact that the onion rings that i had the other night I'm thinking were bad because the next morning my stomach was a disaster if you know what i mean. That wasn't fun, but here goes with my list of good things.
1. Deric CAN go to the dance now!!!!!! So excited!!! I get to dance with him for a long while and if you know me well enough you know how happy i am about this. I love dancing with that boy. So now i get to wear my dress and it does have a purpose, i get to look nice, and Deric gets to look sexy in his fancy clothes, and i get to dance with him and yay!! We just gotta figure out dinner plans and what not. And even if he can go to the dance...we are still going to Envy at some point. Then after the dance we are on TV for Tree on TLC. So cool!
2. I got accepted to Aquinas! Yay, it makes me feel accomplished and smart. And it makes me want to work even harder in school kinda. But it also kinda makes me wonder if that's just going to disappoint me cause i really don't think i can afford this school.
3. Aquinas did send me a $12,000 scholarship in the mail the other day. Really cool cause it was a merit based one. But i still have to come up with 18 thousand more to go...which sadly, I'm not really getting my hopes up for because it probably wont happen, but i guess its OK to dream. Just not too much cause getting disappointed over something this huge is shattering. That's why life is falling into and out of place, i get accepted, i get a scholarship...but i know there is like no way i can possibly come up with the money to go there, but i would love to go there. I have big dreams, but i don't have the resources to go anywhere with them.
4. I don't have to do the lighting for the play anymore cause Mike is a wonderful wonderful man and understands I'm busy so hes having Tyler do the lights. Thank you Mike.
So there are some good things in my life right now, well, i guess the good but the bad of some of them as well.

Another Thing To Check Off The List

Well Tree is finally over. It was my last one and i think it went mighty well. Its another last thing to check off the "since you are a senior now this is your last time doing this" list. Kinda makes you realize how quickly things are actually going by, its kinda scary. But it went well and i did get to see Deric for the most part all week. Which was nice, and i also got to see Eric and people i don't normally get to see all week as well. It was a crazy week though, i just was off for some reason, mentally, emotionally, physically, i don't really know what was up. I just feel like life is in a way falling into place, yet its falling out of it at the same time.
Physically i didn't feel to well most of the week. I kinda felt like i was fighting a stomach flu or something cause my stomach just felt terrible and it felt like i was going to puke, i never did, but i felt like it.
Emotionally i think i was just super tired and drained from not feeling good so i was a little emotional, plus my period is this week so that could have made it worse.
Now, the mental part was the weirdest of all. For some reason i just felt really really angry at nothing in particular. Anything i thought of i got angry about and i have no clue why. Then i watched a movie the other night and some things kinda made sense from that movie. The rest of this may sound strange, so if you aren't looking for strange you might as well stop reading. But here goes. I would think about the most random of stuff and get angry for no reason, then my thoughts got me upset over the things and people i shouldn't be angry/upset over. I mean i never voiced any of this stuff for the fact that it went away as soon as i thought it. So it isn't like it really went anywhere, but it was there. Then this movie happened. This woman in the movie was angry at her soon to be ex husband because he was an ass, cheated on her and then physically threw her out of the house. She then seemed to expect all men to hurt her just the same. Now, i could kinda relate this to my life. My last relationship really hurt me, wasn't to the degree as this ladies, but it did leave scars. And its almost like i have been waiting to be hurt again, like, waiting for that pain, hurt, frustration, and stress to all just come right back, thing is, it hasn't, and it wont. What i have now is not what i had before. I have an amazing guy who treats me right. He loves me unconditionally even when i am acting a little crazy. Even when i have snot running down my face from crying, and even when i feel like crap. He loves me for who i am, for what i am. He loves me for what i look like and how my body is, he doesn't need me to have huge D boobs for me to finally be perfect. I am perfect to him with the boobs i have. He gets proud of me when i do well in school, he is always happy to see me and he still wants to see me just the same even after we have been together for almost a year and a half now (really need to re-read these things sometimes cause it was definetly been over a year. Fail on my part). He makes me feel good about myself even when i have days when i look in the mirror and hate what i see. He helps me through the problems that i have with going out into the world soon and possibly moving a little ways away (This is because i got my Aquinas acceptance letter!!! Only going to be able to go there though if i can get the financial aid and money to go there, but if i could go there...i would really like to). Which I'm scared for because i don't want to lose this guy, he is everything to me. I couldn't bare to lose him. He likes doing things with me and being weird with me and just hanging out. My friends love him, my family loves him, my dog loves him, and most of all...I love him. I think back on the thoughts i was having and i wonder why in the world i was expecting to be hurt again, probably cause i never knew anything else, but then i think about Deric and just how wonderful he is and i know that i will never be hurt again. I also concluded that Deric is...I'm going to be a little cliche here....but he is my fairy tale. (Got that from the movie to) He is my happy ending. I love him so much.