Needs

So, what i would love more than anything in the world right now is just some calm. Along with that, some insanely loving words, and just a massive cuddle cause hell i need it. This week seems to be just a stressful week with everything and more and at my house it seems a lot more chaotic and loud and i just need some things to calm down and relax and just not stress. I'm worrying some this week, I'm scheduling college classes, I'm paying for them, I'm working, I'm studying, I'm not relaxing, and if i keep this up I'm gonna go insane. Sigh, just some calm, cuddles, and loving loving words would be great to help me out.

GAAH

I am really getting to the point where i am just sick and tired of this house. Everything has to be done by my parents specifications and done exactly when they want them done, its that or nothing. I work, I go to school, I keep my grades up, i save my money, i am a good kid. But who the hell ever heard of relaxing here...apparently no one. Oh, you have a day off? You should be cleaning and doing this and this and this......and so on. It seems people don't realize that the reason i seem a bit stressed is because there is never a place for me to go and de-stress! I really am hating people telling me what to and when to do it, i have a very busy schedule, your going to deal with it. Do not tell me what to do, ask me politely and i very well will probably do it. Demand i do it though, it probably wont happen. If you don't like what I'm doing ask me nicely and i will stop, be a jerk about it and see what happens. I just want peace and quiet, a restful environment, i will get things done on my own time, aka when i have time. I will clean when i need to, not when you demand me to. I was nervous about the thought of moving out because it would be a change and i wouldn't see my Blossom as much, but hell, it seems to be a change that i greatly need.

A New Pace

So, as i was thinking at work the other day, i realized something. And i wasn't exactly the happiest to realize this. Come August/September I will be the only one of my friends in town. Olivia is going to Ferris, Andrea is going to either Aquinas or Calvin, Jaclyn is going out of town but i cant exactly remember where, Kat will most likely be going to Albion, Amy is up in the U.P at Northern, Franny is going someplace out of town as well even though she isn't sure where just yet because she got denied to NYU, but she is doing whatever she can to not be here. Martha is going to Lee which i think is in Indiana or Illinois, Amber is probably going to Washington or Brown, and then there is me, staying in town, going to a community college. I mean, the only people that will be in town are Zobl and Wiewiora when hes in town from Grand Valley which is the closest college out of anyone. I know ill be working and balancing college which will make me somewhat busy, but still, its nice to be able to have the opportunity to hang with your girls and just talk. I wont be able to ever do that again. Maybe on Christmas break but that's it. Plus they will all be off meeting new people and starting new groups of friends. I feel like I'm basically saying oh poor me, which I'm not trying, but I feel like i may get just a bit on the lonely side at times because if Deric is at work, Ill be by myself. There will be no one really to hang out with or talk to. My friends that are still in high school will be around....but i know they will have a lot on their plates as well so they wont be able they wont be there either. Its going to be a change, i may have to really start hanging with Eric and Corine, which is by no means a bad thing, but they, besides Hoss and Danny, will really be the only ones in town. Sigh, I'll figure something out i guess. At least i still have my man. And maybe by then ill be living with him, who knows.

Simple Understanding

I'm glad that you finally understand why I'm nervous around the stuff and why it in a sense scares me a bit. I'm glad we could have the talk that we had, it meant a lot to me and it was good to get everything i needed to say or could think to say out. I trust you all the way, i always have, and that makes me a little less nervous because i know you wont do anything stupid. Just remember everything that we said, seriously. I do promise to try it at least once, i cant guarantee it will be anytime soon, but like you said, if it isn't for 10 years it doesn't matter, as long as i am ready and feel comfortable, and also, as long as your there with me. Hun, I love you more than anything, you mean the world to me, so thank you for understanding.

My First Real Day Of Spring Break

Yesterday was a great day, the best day of my spring break. Otherwise I'm working or just kinda chilling really. I got to spend the whole day with Deric and i loved every minute of it. When he picked me up we went to his house and we did some much needed spring cleaning. I put some music on, opened his curtains and windows and we got started on cleaning his room and changing out his bed. I enjoyed myself while we cleaned and when we got everything back together Deric decided he wanted new sheets so we took a trip to Bed Bath & Beyond and got him some really nice 400 count sheets. SO comfy and surprisingly really warm. While we threw those into the wash we went and got Taco Bell then headed over to Eric and Corine's. We talked for a bit then we went swimming in the pool at their apartment then we sat in the sauna for a bit. Afterwards we went back to their room and we played some hamster ball racing game which turned out to be really addictive. But suuuuppper fun. When we said our goodbyes we headed back to Derics so we could change for Envy, then we headed there. Outside was cold and we had to stand in line for a bit but Deric kept me warm so that was all good. We got in, said our hellos to Miles and Danny, they complimented me on how i looked which is always nice, then we headed for the dance floor. We danced and danced, and it was sooo much fun. I always love going there. When 1am hits Sandstorm comes on and the dance floor gets packed and the strobes start flashing and the haze gets really going. It can be really disorienting but its so much fun! I love going there. Around 1:45ish we said our goodbyes and went to Meijer to pick up a few snacks. We got home, made the bed, settled in, cuddled and watched a movie. I was falling asleep during it and when it finished Deric turned it off and we cuddled and fell asleep. We cuddled in the morning to and i even did his dishes for him. lol. I love getting to spend time with Deric like that though, we get to have fun and then after its done spend the night with each other just cuddling. I absolutely love it. I love you Deric and thanks for the wonderful day.

Gonna Post This One Too

Besides the last post, gotta say a few more things!
So i really cant wait for Thursday, its going to be a blast and I hope that Deric enjoys himself as well because i promise that after Envy this time you will get something, and you know what I'm talking about. I wont fall asleep on you or anything like that. Promise. Also i get to sleep over so that'll be even better.
Also, I kinda want to figure out my financial standpoint because i really do like the idea of being able to move in with Deric someplace. It would be very nice and if it is in anyway possible, id like to try, and i hope your ok with that. We can talk later about it, like on Thursday cause that may be the next available day to really chat since we both work a lot until then.

Chats

Just a small recap on a conversation that took place like 10 minutes ago. Deric turns 21 next year and we all know what happens on any ones 21st birthday. He kept telling me not to worry and that i need to stop worrying about it. Yes, i do worry to much, not just about that but everything in general, I'm working on it trust me, but hey, i am allowed to be a bit worried when you go and get smashed. But i do trust you 100%, you have never given me a reason not to, so why shouldn't i? I really think its just the fact that you'll be entering a whole new chapter of your life, one where you'll be going off and doing things that i wont be allowed to do for another year at that point and i mean, you'll be off doing your thing and i just wonder where that leaves me. That's really all i think I'm worrying about cause i know you wouldn't be going off and hooking up with someone else or something along those lines because one your you and you aren't like that one bit and you'll have people there to make sure you don't do anything stupid. But i want you to have fun and go out, you deserve it a shit ton. As hard as you work, you do deserve a break and I'm glad you'll be able to get one. Please don't judge when you read this and think I'm worrying again. lol. Cause matter of fact I'm not really anymore cause i trust you, as i always will and have. Plus I love you, so that goes in there to.

**Edit** So, funny how things are, but when i actually think about everything in my head, like actually sit and think, and not immediately go to worry mode (I will learn to do this naturally and all the time because damn it works rather well and Deric you would be proud of me if i learned this and learned to not worry as much) But when i put facts together, think logically, and just think about the common sense that i know. (Doing this with two things at once because, i do this often, I feel like i said something wrong on here and i kinda want to know if i did cause i felt like there was a weird vibe between us recently...but i think things like that often at times) BUT, think logically, and put two and two together....like look at every other time you thought that, was there anything wrong? no. Don't worry and enjoy one anothers company when you are able to because that's what matters most and if there was any sort of problem Deric would say something to me or I to him. We talk to each other about things like that. And for what i was worrying about in this post, its part of life and Deric will still love me just as much even if he is off doing things with his buds form work often and even if he does have to wait a year for me to turn 21 as well so i can do things at bars and places like that too. His feelings wont change because of something so small as age. I do worry to much...lol. Lets learn to do this on a daily basis and my worry should go away.