You

I love you so much. I just want to be in your arms and feel warm, cozy, and safe. You mean everything to me.

Falling apart. Stitch by stitch it's slowly happening. Does anyone even notice? Probably not. I act fine when I'm around you all, or as fine as i can be. But I'm stuck here, at this place which i should cherish. But i don't. All it does is hurt. Everywhere hurts. Few places feel safe anymore. Little to none. Losing an already lost battle. Picking up the pieces may not be possible. Something already broken long ago cannot be repaired. Thinking too much. Dreaming as i sleep too much of the things that scare me. Lies i may be told things i think of as alright. Slowly becoming nothing but an empty shell. Oh the secrets i keep. If the world only knew. The things that go on inside, all the words dying to be spoken. All sit for a chance that will never come. Falling farther from what once was. Hoping to never hit the bottom of the chasm.

Yay

I impressed Zizak today. I have SO much homework due today and am so far behind yet i feel like I accomplished something. I think i earned brownie points. Haha. Good feeling.

So Far Behind

Well did what i could of my homework. aka like 4 out of 10 problems. I'm so behind and i want to cry. I guess I'll just stay after today and get help on the questions I don't know how to do. Today is just sucking but at least i feel better. I feel weak but better. I'm just super behind.

I have homework due today and some due tomorrow......but i feel like shit and can't concentrate on it. GAH why does this happen to me

I'm A Mess And I'm Sorry

I don't want to snap at you, I'm sorry that i do. I'm just so stressed and frustrated with the world. I know it isn't an excuse but that's why. I love you so much and i keep fearing that me snapping at you and being stressed and being not relaxed is going to scare you away. I don't want to be so messed up that you leave me. I always fear that I'll be the one to mess everything up and when i get like this i feel like it could happen. It scares me cause losing you would hurt so much. I mean, i had a dream that you had a fiance and it hurt a lot. And that was a dream. Just know no matter how i get that I love you with all my heart. Some days I'll need you to just talk with me or walk with me. Some days I'll need you to hold me down, make me stay, and tell me how much you love me cause I'll need it. Thank you for working with me and helping me. It means a lot and i know you love me and that makes me happy.

Stupid.....

Today is the kinda day where I'm just gonna go work out, hopefully boot camp, and leave there half dead cause its one of those days.