So Many...

I don't even know what exactly to say here, i just have way to much to say, to much to get out on here, so much flowing through my mind that it almost seems impossible to get it all down. A lot has happened in a day, a lot.....For one, as it seems life is the most unfair thing on this planet. I sadly can relate this to a quote that is on a bathroom stall at school. "No one dies a virgin cause life fucks you over." I'm starting to wonder what degree of truth there is in this saying. Why is it always the people that have worked so hard and are struggling and are hurting that get screwed over? Why? Does life just enjoy making cruel jokes? Things like this make it so easy to believe in an evil, cause dear lord, it seems to be having its sick twisted fun. You see, Deric's mom had been laid off for some time and had finally gotten another job. This was a good thing because they had been struggling for money for bills and whatnot and Deric was the really only source of income. So her getting a job I think took a weight off his shoulders so he could not worry as much. But guess what? Life is such a bitch, she just got laid off again. Now Deric is looking for a second job and hes stressing out and worried yet again. A second job would be so hard for and on him, i know he wouldn't ever get much sleep and it would be stressful. He wouldn't have a life....Deric deserves to have a little fun in his life, and all of that is being taken away from him. He should be able to live without this on his shoulders, a person can only take so much and i cant bare to see him hurting. I know if he got a second job we would rarely see each other. That would be hard for us both. Then it seems to take other fun things out of life as well. He had promised me that he would go to the Christmas dance with me at my school, which happens to be the weekend after tree, Eric wanted him to do tree but he said no because he was going to the dance with me because he is not going to be able to get two weekends off in a row. But then this happened, and Eric can promise him a large amount of hours which means more money then he would normally make in a week at work. So to get the needed extra money, he is going to work tree, but that means no dance. Now, i love going to dances/dancing with him and this meant a lot to me and Deric knows this full well. He feels terrible for not being able to go, but what can you do? Things happen in life and there is nothing you can do about it even if you wanted to. "Things happen, it's ok, don't worry about it." All my answers to this switch in plans. But i will say this, yes i am hurt a lot, I want to go dance so badly with you, and it has been taken away from me. But that is not your fault, you cant control life, no one can. I am so very disappointed, yes. It hurts. I now have a dress that i am wondering what to do with now because i cant wear it to anything else now...it has no purpose anymore. I'm sad, for many things at the moment yes, but still. But you want to know what makes this all ok? You want to know? You didn't tell me you cant go because you just don't want to, you didn't say no because you didn't like dances and just didn't want to go with me, you never blew me off about this dance. I think you may have wanted to go to. You said you cant because life took a turn for the worst and you have to do what you have to do to keep your house, your everything. You took it to help out your mom, you took it because you had to. You were responsible, an adult, so very strong in my eyes, i honestly don't know how you can stay so strong. You said you couldn't go for the only perfect reason out there. So its ok. I may be hurt, but not as much as i could be. You are an amazing person, you are so so strong, you take so much on your shoulders that you shouldn't have to yet you do. You look out for your mom when you are old enough that you shouldn't have to. I can only hope that the reason Deric's mom has been laid off again is that there is something far better for her out there waiting. I can only hope. There are so many emotions running through me right now, its crazy. It's hard. But i do want Deric to know that i will always be there for him, no matter how tough life may get. I will always love him no matter what. Always.