The Aftermath

Well, once tomorrow is done my stress level will go way down. Ill still be a little bit though for the fact that I'm graduating soon and all that kinda stuff. Plus ill be waiting for my AP test results in July...which btw, AP Chem did NOT go well, I don't think i passed it at all, If i did, then that's a miracle. Our proctor was terrible, yelled at us, just annoying. I had to bubble in a bunch of answers because we never got a 10 minute warning...it was just your done. I probably am lucky to get a 2 on it. I am upset by it. I just, i really wanted to prove something to myself...i wanted to pass it...and i feel like I'm letting not only myself down, but everyone who believed in me as well. I wanted people to be proud of me, and i wanted to be proud of myself.....and now that wont happen....it'll just be disappointment. I am far from someone who strives for perfection and perfect grades, but i like doing my best and having people be proud of me and i like being able to be proud of myself. Which, at the moment, i am not. Unless by some miracle i got a 3 on it, which if i did i would bust out crying. Now tomorrow is AP Calc, which i feel a lot better about because math is an easier concept to me and i got a solid 3 on the practice so hopefully i don't do too terrible on the real one and get a 2 cause that would make me cry too. I'm just, worried i guess, i have never in my life been this worried about anything in school, i normally never care this much. EVER. But now i am because it counts towards my future which i will make happen no matter what.
On another topic, i talked to Deric about this already, how i had been feeling lately about some things, and I'm slowly learning that when there is a problem, don't feel bad or afraid to say something to the person about it. Just say it and like this one, it'll slowly be fixed. I love him so much, even if i hadn't seen you very often or very long i know i was loved, i had never questioned that. I was just feeling unimportant i guess but you being your amazing self is fixing it the best you can. Thank you, it means the world to me really. And thanks for putting up with my stressed self lately and sticking with me and helping me because i have never been like this before in my life and its as new to you as it is to me. So thank you, that means a lot too.