Nut Shell

This is kinda a downer from my last post. lol. But I'm just kinda in a blah mood right now. Kinda bumbed, kinda bored, kinda lonely, kinda happy but kinda not, in pain with both my back and knees, undecided, wanting to have the time I'm looking for. There's a lot of reasons for these feelings. The pain is a no brainer though, works killing my knees and my bed is killing my back...or at least sitting/laying for long periods of time kills it. Undecided because i don't know what to do on Thursday now, Deric's going tubing with his coworkers and some of their friends then, its his day off and one of mine, so the bumbed part is coming in because we don't get days off together often and hes going to be gone all day on this one, we were going to go to Envy after he got back....I'm hoping he isn't too burnt out to do something when he gets back....but its 70's and 80's night and he said he wasn't really sure he wanted to go because he'd feel weird and i don't like going and doing something if he isn't going to have as much fun as he could. He suggested a movie...but personally....I'm not really sure i want to go see one because i want to do something with him that we can interact with each other. I don't want to sit and have to be quiet for a super long time and not get to really BE with him. So you can see why I'm undecided. The happy but kinda not stems from all that. Lonely because, well, even though there are 5 people in my house....it gets lonely. It really does. And wanting to have the time I'm looking for is just getting to be with Deric, which is why I'm glad our vacation is in 16 days. Its gonna be a blast. Now, I'm happy that Deric is going tubing, he deserves it because like he said...he doesn't get out and do much like he should. I know hes gonna have fun to which I'm happy about, and around noon that day I'm going to the college to garden...i guess its the garden club and my bio teacher invited me to join so i figured why not? It gets me used to the college before i start and i meet new people and have fun. So I'm looking forward to that. And hopefully ill have my car back that day or the day after...i miss it so much. I went to get some things out of it and it was sad to see it just sitting there. Its like a child. lol. But hopefully Deric gets back from tubing before the time we had said he will hopefully be back by, which was 9. Cause i mean just this once, when hes done tubing and heads back to Eric's house, id like it if he didn't chill there for awhile cause Eric already had him like the whole day....and i want to see him too. So I'm hoping he does get back before 9 so we can actually do something. But yeah, that's how i feel right now in a nut shell. Oh, and I'm also waiting for my AP scores to come in because i have to switch some classes but cant till they show up....which they better freakin do soon!! I want them! Haha. So, I'm hoping this post didn't/doesn't sound bitchy/whiny/anything else like that now that I'm thinking about it, cause it isn't meant to. But i think thats all...i think...i may be wrong....but i think im gonna end this post now....so goodnight world. ^-^