Oh The Issues I Have....

I messed up today. I know. I fucked up. And the fact that you didn't yell at me, or say anything to me that was negative, amazed me. Cause i think you should have been angry at me...that's what the rational side of me thinks. Why weren't you mad at me? I am sorry though, for what i did. I have a problem. A trust issue. And you do things that i can't understand and that makes me wonder and that curiosity turns ugly. It turns rude and into thing i know i shouldn't do. That's what happened today. And i am so sorry. I am just afraid that i couldn't trust again if you lied to me and that scares me because i love you so much. But...I know you wouldn't do that.....yet i am still scared. I have a problem, I know, yet you still love me, and you still deal with me, you still cuddle with me, and you still talk to me. I'm in awe really. And i promise i won't do that again. I promise. I'm sorry, i feel bad and i know i hurt you. I saw it in your eyes. I am sorry i sometimes don't trust like i should. When you have given me no reason not to trust you it seems stupid to not trust. Its stupid....but i still do it. I don't understand it other than i have a problem and you get the blunt of it sometimes. I feel horrible for that because it hurt you. It did. Yet you seem ok. If i hurt you please tell me, i need to know, if you have any negative emotion towards me because i was stupid today please tell me. I need to fix things when i fuck up. Please don't lose your trust in me over me having trust issues. Please talk to me if you have any thoughts...please. I'm so sorry...you have no idea how sorry i am.