Perpetually....

I feel empty inside, void of emotions. Yet i feel perpetually sad or angry. I don't like it. I don't like acting this way or feeling this way. I want to be me again, happy. I don't know what i need to make this happen. I am trying so hard in everything that i do, yet i feel like it is getting me no where. One professor commends me for doing so well while another makes fun of me. What they hell do you want me to do? Do poorly in your class, be average like everyone else in there? I thought you would want students to excel in everything that they do. I guess you are not used to that because you make fun of me for it. Sorry i get 100% on all your tests, its called studying and EVERYONE else has the ability to do it. Then another teacher makes it impossible to pass even when you study your ass off. I'm just strained to my max, ready to break. All i want is to relax, for it to be warm out and sunny, i want to be able to go outside and enjoy myself. I want to relax, i want to be as happy as i can be. I just, I don't want to be confused as to what I'm supposed to do here at my house with everyone hinting at me to leave.  I want things to go the way i want them to for once. I don't want to be depressed or angry. I want to feel good about myself. Inside and out. I just want these feelings to go away......