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I'm not angry at you. I am just frustrated and i feel like anyone in my position would be to. And right now as i am doing my homework and listening to dubstep i am becoming sadder and sadder. Like right now, i feel sorta comfy but all in all i feel empty. Like you know those moods where everything is just one big sigh? Kinda that mood. And the way my parents are acting is making me want to cry. I'm supposed to go to bed in like 5 minutes and they want to put a movie on the projector downstairs while I'm supposed to be in bed. I never have a good night when i am supposed to be up at 5 the next morning. Seriously right now though, I am feeling upset and really left out and frustrated. Here's the thing, I am feeling so left out and lonely and i am frustrated by that. When i make plans with people or try to make plans they either cancel or already have plans/work/busy. I only have 2 friends in town! When my other friends are in town they don't understand my work schedule and that pisses me off. Like hey come do this with us and be out late, sorry i can't i have to be up at 5 tomorrow, we wont be out all night, i can't, you're lame. Like why don't you get up at 5am for a full work day and see how much your gonna want to go out all night the next time. Do not give me shit for that kind of thing seriously. You don't get it.

Now my other problem, every time i try to hang out with Kayla she cancels. EVERY TIME. Unless it's when me and Deric go over there to hang with her and Brandon. But every time i have tried to hang out with her it ends up being a no. Like today i was supposed to and it was planned all week. Then i woke up today to a text saying she had to cancel. I know she has a baby to look after but hey maybe i was looking forward to hanging out with someone for a change. Then Livi is in town but we seem to have opposite schedules going on or shes usually busy when she or me wants to hang out. So that never works.

Another thing. Deric has his new job and i am excited and proud of him and for him. All week he has been doing a lot of overtime work so i haven't really seen him cause i have been letting him sleep cause he tells me how exhausted he is so i don't go over to his house. All week i have been sitting on my couch doing homework cause i haven't had anyone to hang out with and I'm letting him sleep. So you know i miss him. Tonight he is doing it again and he was telling me how he was gonna get up early to go with Brandon to AWOL while he gets a tattoo so he can look at designs and what not and hang out. Mind you every time he has had overtime i let him sleep all day cause i know he is tired yet he is perfectly fine getting up early after being exhausted to go hang out with someone else when I have been lonely and bored and frustrated cause I haven't seen him at all. I don't think it's right honestly. It makes me feel like i am unimportant. Like hes just too tired to hang out with me but will wake up for everyone else. Right now i just feel unimportant to everyone. Everyone cancels on me. Everyone is too busy. Everyone is too tired and I am too nice.

I am probably overreacting but fuck it that is how i feel.

Unimportant
Unimportant
Unimportant