Why Am I So Torn??

Why is it so damn hard for me to trust people sometimes!?!?!? The only thing i can think of is that because Deric lied to me about it before i feel like he will again. But he said he wouldn't. He told me that he would tell me things from now on, that he would talk to me about things and would communicate with me. So far i think he has, he's been telling me things when something is wrong or if something happened or if he did something. He's been telling me, I hope. I'm so torn on the subject. Sometimes I'm perfectly ok with the whole smoking thing then the next i hate everything about it and its a terrible terrible thing. I just need to know that our deal won't be broken. I NEED to know that and sometimes it's hard for me to believe that it will not be because it has before. I know i should believe you when you tell me you won't. I do trust you, I do I do I do. I guess I'm just frustrated. Honestly, please just look me in the eyes and tell me that you won't lie to me and that when you tell me that you won't smoke at the bar when you get trashed that you really won't. Tell me that you love me. I trust you with my life, You are the one person i trust the most in my life. I tell you everything, you are the only person who knows EVERYTHING about me, all the messed up things that are me. You are my best friend. You told me earlier that i was yours and that makes me happy. Gah, I love you so much and this who'll subject has me torn. Just know I love you more than anything.