Happy

I think today has been a good day for my mind. The beginning of it not so much, but after awhile it definitely was. Much needed from my last night brain spaz. Basically last night i worried yet again over something i didn't need to and in my head managed to blow it very far out of proportion and concluded that with the worst possible scenario. So from there my mind was in a sort of panic when it didn't need to be....it never needs to be actually. Nothing in my life has that affect on me right now, nothing is hurting me. I still find it strange that i never have any stress like i used to have, still feels weird, but oh how i love it. I like not having to stress out over things and people anymore, my mind gets to be continually...for the most part...at ease. Last night is an exception of course. Wasn't fun cause old memories were brought back up, not the really bad ones that i hate to even think i did, i thank my brain for not bringing those up, but just some general memories that i never ever want to have again. I was also wondering some things and when i wonder that kinda makes me think more because its normally to late to call someone and ask them so i continue to wonder. So with this all in my head i went over to Deric's in the morning to give him back the pants i fixed and when i got there he was sleeping and i let him sleep for a bit more. Then we just kinda hung out and what not then he napped for a bit and i started thinking again and when he woke up i finally asked what i had been thinking, and like normal...I'm worrying about nothing. Silly me, but it is nice to know that I'm not being to suffocating to you and that you get the you time that you need. It's always nice to hear that you love me just the same and it is always always always, whether it be in person or in text form, wonderful to hear the words, "I love you." It makes me so so happy. Then later that day i got to thinking about things and i gotta say, my conclusion to it was great. I do not care one cent anymore, my heart and mind have finally been able to let go and just live life in the moment and i must say, there was a moment today that i honestly wish could have lasted much much longer then it did. Me and Deric were in his bed and as we were doing whatever there was a moment when Deric put his hand behind my head, turned my head and just kissed me and kissed me. In that moment i could feel everything. His hand, the muscles in his arm, his chest, his mouth...everything. And in that moment i though, Nothing else matters but this. This is where i want to be and i dont ever want to lose this. Everything in that moment was perfect. Moments like these only reasure me more that Deric is the one that i want to be with untill i die. He is just....perfect.
I didnt notice this till now...but i have tears running down my cheeks from writing that last bit, and they are very happy tears.

And ps. Deric when we were talking about what i had worn to your house today and i had said i had back up clothes and you kinda had a funny look on your face and asked me why....those are still at your house. Look in your dresser. You gave me a drawer, so i put a little bit in it. :)