Bursting

I'm getting overwhelmed. The thing is...there is nothing i can really do about it. I HAVE to keep going. I have to go to school, I'm not going to work less because i need the money, I wont cut out my time with my man because that is to precious to me. He keeps me sane. I just need a place to come home to where there are no people who bug me, no chaos, i need a relaxing environment. I need to keep up on my studies, tell myself i can do anything and keep chugging along. I'm doing this for me, my future, my families future...the future one i don't have yet....I gotta keep going. But it is so hard, so hard. I just wan to quit, say fuck it and be done. I wish i could call in to work, but i close most days and i wont screw people over. I just pray i don't lose it.
Plus being stressed makes me feel bad about myself cause it makes me feel like i cant do anything when i know i can, like a bit ago i felt like i had no true talent, like there wasn't one thing i was good at that people would know of. I can't draw amazingly well, i can't sing for shit, i don't stand out, I'm like that average girl with an average life. But i know I'm not.
I wish i had friends i could hang with when i needed. Cause i need them so bad...they are coming in for Thanksgiving weekend, but so far it doesn't seem like they are working with my schedule. I cant stay out late cause i work in the morning and since i work in the morning i cant join them for morning shopping etc. Which they will go on then ill be left out. Then ill try to get together with them....and it wont happen. I will admit that i am jealous of Deric, he goes to his buddies house all the time, has fun, has friends.
Deric is my rock in all of this, i don't know what i would do with out him helping me. I hope he feels the same way about me. I love him so much, we even started cooking dinners with each other, its really nice and even though we've only done 1 dinner, i think well do many more and it'll be out time.