Maybe An Answer

I don't really understand these feelings I'm having. I'm sad, i think, i don't know why if i am. That movie hit a nerve, i think because i could relate to it in some way. I understood.
It made me think about when i went to Tyler's. Everyone was having fun and talking about school/college depending on if they were in high school still or not. But, me well, I don't mind that I'm going to MCC, that isn't the issue. Yeah everyone else will or has already gone off to a big university, and i realize why this is and why others at MCC have a lot of friends who went straight from high school to college with each other. It is because i am friends with smart, intelligent people who have a plan for themselves. No i was never friends with the druggie pot heads, no i was never friends with the so called popular kids who partied it up and are rather dumb, no i was never friends with the whores or the like SUPER nerds...I'm talking about the ones that creep me out like the ones in the corner, not like me......and this is why all my friends went off to big places. This is partially why i have so few friends at MCC, the people i was never friends with are the people that attend MCC. I've made a few new friends, ones that i talk to and chill with at the college...none yet that i hang out with outside of it. That's my next goal, make a friend like that somewhere....either at school or maybe work. Me, I'm not like the people i described and that's not why i went to MCC. I went there because some of use have to work for what we want and don't have the money to always go in the exact direction that we would like. We have to take detours, go someplace that has things just as good as the big leagues, just a fraction of the price. The issue is not that i am going here, it is that there is nothing for me to tell them really. I can't really talk about what i do at school, I don't go out with my school friends or have dorm life to talk about. I just sit and do my thing. The most i have to talk about is that i got straight A's and a 4.0. When i do though people get annoyed sometimes so i don't really.
When i was at Tyler's i felt awkward, sigh, i guess not being entirely social for a long time or seeing people does that to you. I'm not sure.
I'm just confused right now i guess is my possible other emotion. From me and my moms argument the other day i don't know what to do. I'm trying hard to do my thing and live at my house, but what my mom yelled at me is making me wonder and confused. This may be the other thing that is eating at me. I'm not really sure. I don't always know why i get upset or cry, sometimes i just do. I think its partially cause I'm a girl. We just get emotional sometimes. Some more than others. Aka me. I guess with college, work, trying to balance everything, sometimes you just have an emotional break where you just want to stop trying because its a lot easier. But in the long run you know you can't cause in order to get to your dream goal you gotta keep pushing. Deric is my saving grace though, hes nice enough to help me out and stay with me even when i get like this. It's what i need in times like this. Hopefully i can get a hold of myself.