Never Understanding

GAH! Right now is not a good moment. I feel so....idk...down. Honestly its an insecure moment. I feel kinda ugly, outta shape, the works really. Funny thing though...i didn't think about my boobs until right now. I guess i leave one insecurity and go to the next. I hate moments like this, especially when i just kinda had a small melt down about the shit going on at home again. Apparently that means i am full of anger and need immediate therapy. Fuck that. Try going through this shit and not being angry..hard to do. I just try and channel my feelings into other things like studying, work, school, grades, Deric, etc. Sometimes i don't have the opportunity to channel it and it just comes rushing out. But now I'm feeling down on myself. Looking at pictures and realizing that I'll never be like some people....idk why this bothers me sometimes cause i should just want to be me...i see the beautiful hair, perfect skin, gorgeous makeup, perfect bodies, and obviously big boobs to but as of right now that doesn't bother me like it did before. I mean, i just chopped my hair off..i don't have long luscious thick hair, that's just not how my hair is. I don't have perfect skin....i hope that stops soon enough though. I have no clue how to even put on makeup, lol, not that that is a problem cause i don't like a face full of makeup, its annoying and bothersome. Idk, it is just one of those days. I'm also bothered by my ear piercings because i don't think they are healing...and that upsets me. Sigh....I'm just gonna go and do some homework or something......