So me and Deric were walking through Lake Harbor today and we passed two old ladies sitting on a bench. We said hi as we passed and continued out conversation. There was a couple not more than 20 feet behind us that when they passed the old ladies one old lady was like "I WISH I HAD YOUR BODY!" so here i am like WTF BITCH. She has a bikini bottom on 2 sizes to small and a push up bikini top. Of course anyone would want her body. Made me irritated cause i have a nice body....could be nicer i have been working out less which is why i am going to really get back at it....but like seriously i was not even 20 ft away from them. What irritates me the most is the fact that skanky fake shit seems to get all the attention as always. Anyone trying to be natural and not wear all the push up ass hanging out shit will never get the time of day from ANYONE (Accept Deric cause he loves me and loves my body and i love him to death). Like how insecure do you have to be to wear a push up bikini? I feel like the chick had small boobs so that could be part of it. But just no, I don't wear push up bras really...they have some padding yeah but just enough to not have my nipple get hard and be like hello world how are you. I don't want to walk around with my ass half out. That's uncomfortable. I don't need to wear a pound of makeup or fake anything. If you can tell i feel very strongly about this. Probably because in some ways i wish i could be a total skank in public on a day to day basis and be totally ok with it. But i can't. I never could dress or be like that. I could never wear a shit ton of makeup one because i don't know how to do it and two i would feel....unreal? I have flaws and they are out there for everyone to see. I don't hide them or cover them up and I hope that means i am confident to some degree. I have accepted (for the most part) that i will always have small boobs...i will always wish they were a bit bigger but i have accepted that they wont be...that my fashion sense is my own, i don't dress in any skank style, pin-up style, grunge, blah blah blah....I don't wear a ton of skirts or thigh highs or revealing stuff. My style is me and that's how it will always be. I have tried very hard to dress different;y before and i was beyond uncomfortable, wasn't right. So yeah, i am me, i will start working out more and get my super duper kick ass body back that will make any fake bitch jealous.
On to the party the other night. It is strange that the group is evolving. We are drinking now and getting hammered. Well....everyone but me. At these parties so far i have not drank because i have either been DD or driving myself home later that night. Everyone else is drinking it up though. Everyone still seems like themselves just a tiny bit different. Olivia has changed a bit, shes...more...i dont even know the word for it but shes really a party girl now and happy to do bad things. Franny is I don't even know anymore, she almost annoyed me. Like for one she wore a top that had her boobs spilling out the top and a very short skirt and talked a lot about all the guys who talk to her and how hot they all were and how she was using big words and was very word smart and much smarter than most in general and just very onto herself and her accomplishments and just all about how amazing she was. She has become very arrogant. But if you knew Franny like we do it wouldn't' be a surprise. Everything is just odd.
I feel bad for Deric, he keeps getting a LOT of pressure from just about everyone but me about marriage. Yeah i want it to happen, but I won't force or pressure anything like that onto someone. I know that if Deric wants that he will ask when he is ready, i know that is a huge step for him and i would not want him to feel any pressure to make that decision. I mean if years go by and nothing happens I might say something but right now no. If you are ready to make that step you are and if not then wait until you are. You don't want to make a mistake in your life and you want that kind of thing to be with someone you absolutely want to be with forever. Plus you want timing to be how you would like to, bad timing can run things too. So yeah, no pressure here. I'm just sorry work and your family is like so when is that happening?
Here is a picture of Khaleesi, our cat, shes a doll.
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