My Insides Are Going To Explode

I really think I need to get off this pill. I was feeling anxiety before and now...I can't even explain.

I'm feeling anxious and worried and stressed all the time. Like.....I keep having bad thoughts. Thoughts that hurt me and scare me and worry me and make me sad and depressed. They all revolve around Deric. Like this whole Teal thing is ridiculous. one I still don't appreciate things getting told when one is angry...that can't keep happening. But like...I feel like the smallest things are borderline hurting me which is so annoying and crazy and I hate it. I keep worrying that what if something happened. I mean....we are making a really big step and I think that as excited as I am about it I am so scared about it because this means I am opening myself to the possibility of getting hurt. Not that it will happen but I feel like I'm getting put into the open and....well...being vulnerable scares me. It's a thought in the back of my head. Like....this Teal thing is bothersome one because she is a girl, two I don't trust her one bit, and three she creeped on my facebook through my cousin!!! Like...she obviously was way too curious about me if she went through someone else's facebook to look at my stuff. That makes me uncomfortable...really uncomfortable. So i'll say this...I'm glad shes changing shifts cause I won't have to deal with this soon. Like, sometimes I feel like Deric doesn't tell me everything. I'm about positive he does but sometimes I feel like maybe he doesn't. Like the whole pot thing. He still goes over to Eric's house and even though Eric apparently quit who knows for sure. I know Deric really wants to still and deepdown I feel like he is smoking here and there and just hasn't exactly told me. All I want is absolute truth from him, I wouldn't be angry as long as I was told. I mean....it's more for the fact that in case something happened. I keep having these thoughts of what if something happened what if what if what if and I HATE IT. I feel like I am going to explode and I can't control my emotions and I feel like my insides are bouncing off the walls of my insides. I want to explode.

Deric, I love you. You know that. I know you love me. I am going to get off this pill because I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't want our relationship to take a road we can't come back from because of my emotional instability. I am scared. I feel vulnerable. I feel open. I am not used to these feelings. Deric all i ask from you right now is that you help me. Right now I just need kind words and to be shown how much I am loved. Just kind words would do. Big hugs and loving kisses. I love you. We are going to move in with each other and we are going to start something wonderful. I just wish it was happening like tomorrow. I need you with me now. I want you with me every night now. I'm so excited for that. I love you more than you could ever imagine. I am so sorry I have been...well....insane lately. I am hurting you I know, I am sorry for that. Please please please please forgive my craziness.