Learning

Since it's late Ive been thinking, not because it's late but because i really have nothing better to do. My mind kinda wandered back to the other night in the car. We were talking about why i had picked a certain someone out of the group to do something if that were to ever happen. You thought i had underlying motives to it because of her physical attributes. I honestly hadn't even thought about that until you had said that. And then that got us talking about that kinda stuff. And I think you kinda finally understand how bad my insecurity actually is. I mean just your statement to it said it all. "Matt really fucked you up didnt he?" (Or something along those lines). And I'm not afraid to say real names on here because i honestly don't think many people read this if at all. But just the fact that you are understanding the severity of this, to me, is nice. Well, bad at the same time to. But nice in the sense that you understand why i have a hard time just getting over it and being all, oh everything is fine and I'm beautiful and no matter how i look he'll still think I'm beautiful and amazing and perfect. I just...cant. It is definitely getting WAY better than what it was because i have someone who i know when he tells me I'm perfect and that he could love me no matter what size i was, hes telling me the honest truth. He really means it. I didn't have that before. I was far from perfect and what was said to me just killed me and I'm still hurting from it. Slowly though that hurt is going away, it will take awhile...a long while...but at least you understand how bad it actually is, and that for some odd reason makes me happy.