So shopping with my mother is never and has never been the best time I've ever had. A lot of the time it's when we are shopping for shoes. See, I have been wanting a nice pair of heels for a while now, just mainly to have for whenever i want to wear them and for going to the club or something (whenever i get to doing that), and for when i want to look good on a date or something. But every time i go to buy something like that, i show my mom and she just tells me that they aren't practical and that i should look for a normal, plain, and extremely practical shoe. It makes me kinda pissed and kinda upset with her. Maybe once in my life i would like to buy a not so practical something, just so i can have it, just so that it makes me happy to finally own something that i have wanted to for a loong long time. Maybe i just want to buy something for myself because i haven't done that in a while and food doesn't count. Being practical for a lot of things is smart, but living that way forever just gets boring and rather depressing. For a girl, i own like no shoes. They are all very old and very worn. I do have other heels but those or more formal and i wear them to very formal occasions. I want a less formal heel. I want a new pair of freakin shoes, i was going to buy them myself to! I kept thinking about it though after she made that comment and when i thought about buying them i just felt bad about it so i ended up not getting them. It really frustrates me sometimes.
Then there is the fact that my mom always is negative towards things i do before she is approving of them, always. Ill make something or do something that I'm really proud of, and she will look at it and be like oh well you could have done this or why didn't you do that. She criticizes it up to shit, then after awhile she will look at me and me like, oh, good job, its nice. That just hurts me and she did it a lot today. It really hurts me and i called her out on it today because i get sick of it. I'm proud of what i do and i want her as my mother to be to....
Lilly is also now on her period, and all she has been doing tonight is scream about her period, how she wants to see her friends, and anything else worth screaming about. Now, you may think yelling, but no, its legit SCREAMING. It makes me hate my house and being here. It starts to make me depressed because i get upset by it and it just ends badly.
Also, i know that me and Amelia's friendship is over for the most part. I mean we still talk at fiddlers because we are leading it, but other then that its over. But i feel like Amelia is trying to gain it back because she just ended it with Julie and she has been talking a lot more to me in school then normal. I don't want that back, but i can say that i miss that friendship. I miss having that kinda friendship with her, not the fighting and whatnot, but the ability to tell her everything about anything, even the dirty stuff. She kinda understood. My other friends really don't so i cant tell them much. I miss a bit of that friendship, i do, and right now its kinda making me sad. But ill get over it. I will.
Yeah, kinda in a sad mood again. Tomorrow I'm hoping to go over to Deric's in the morning, earlier so we can nap and cuddle together all morning. I need it really bad, just comforting and cuddling. Lets hope tomorrow is a much better day.
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