Loving

So I just really wanted to say that I love you. You are an absolutely amazing person. You always help me when i need it, your there for me, you protect me and keep me safe, you love me, you cuddle with me, you deal with me when I'm not at my best, your truly wonderful. Its almost 2 years now to and i can't wait for many more to come because if they are with you i know they will be good. I love you so much.

A Little This And That

I want some major cuddles right now. MAJOR. Since schools starting soon and I'm still working my butt off, I'm going to get a lot less time for that. I'm gonna see Deric a lot less to, heck I'm going to see everyone less. There all going to be gone in like 5 days. Ill be the only one left. If I'm bored and wanna hang out with people i wont be able to. Even just talking with people will be hard cause they will all be away.

Huh, strange but good phone call just now. Deric's gonna stop completely. Has nothing to do with me so its a good thing. Tonight's the last night then hes apparently done. I'm not gonna say completely done because there will probably be more times in there someplace. But that could be months or even years from now, who knows. I do have questions though, out of curiosity of course. That to me don't make total sense, but hey ill know tomorrow.

For now though I'm gonna go to bed since i gotta wake up at 6:45am. :(

A Few Little Things

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY DERIC!!!!!!!!

I love you very much and i think you had a good day so that's nice, and i know you loved your cakes too cause they're amazing cakes to begin with. So yay to being 20 now.


To myself, this has nothing to do with what i wrote above just saying, but I'm slowly...and hopefully...getting better with it because tonight i cant tell you no...its your birthday for peats sake, you can do whatever you want. But I'm not freaking out right now. I just feel kinda sick and I'm not 100% sure why that is, but that must mean I'm getting better. Right? I cant wait for Monday, i have the day off and that's when i do my part in Deric's birthday gifts. We are also going to dinner at a very nice restaurant which should be cool. But that's all for now, I'm doing my best and it seems to be working a little.

Adore

This is how you know someone loves you and adores you with everything they have. They make you speechless and help you when you fall. And they love you so much.

I'm Trying...Very Hard, For You

I'm trying, i really am trying. Whenever i think about that stuff right now i try to push it aside and just not think about it. You have no clue how hard it is, but I'm trying, for you. I've never tried this hard for someone so please understand. If you can't understand put yourself in my position, think about what I'm going through. Think about what I'm trying to do. I'm pushing aside everything that has been put into my head about that stuff, I'm pushing aside my feeling about it and what i really want to say to you about it. What i really want you to do. But i wont say that to you because I'm not going to be that person. I'm going to live with it and deal with it and learn because it is what you do and who you are so i need to get over it and understand myself. Maybe one day you'll understand my position, maybe not. Just know that I'm trying for you. I wish you knew how i felt sometimes....that would help you to understand why i worry and why i don't like it. But I love you more than anything so even if there are things i don't like that you do i can still deal with them and live with them because I love you. I'm glad you are on my side for this the best you can be, it lets me know that you love me to, and that means more than anything.

Vacation = Success

Oh vacation, it was so much fun. Ill give you a run down of the week because there is no other way to begin.
Thursday: I got up and packed for the week, then i was about to go and get my eyebrows done when Maddie came over and needed to talk because she had just broken up with her boyfriend. So Thursday started a little bit later then planned. But once i got over to Deric's i woke him up and we just kind of chilled for awhile then we eventually got ready for Envy. When we headed out we walked right up and found Eric and Hoss talking to each other so we chatted for a bit. We chilled inside Envy for a looong time because it really didn't get busy till about midnight which kinda sucked, plus the DJ sucked butt. :( BUT, i think I'm going to aspire to be a gogo dancer. I love dancing and it would be amazing. So you may see me on stage one day...maybe.
Friday: We again just chilled for awhile...we may have gone to the mall at some point, i cant remember exactly...but at 1 i went and got my tattoo touched up and got my peace sign behind my ear. Then we picked up Maddie and went and saw Tyler W's play. While there we saw Eric again, go figure. lol. Terrible spot ops, just horrid....but Eric wasn't allowed to get his own so it wasn't his fault. The theater was also very warm but the play was really funny so it made up for it and Tyler did a wonderful job. Afterwards we stopped at a corner store and bought cigars for Tyler because he wanted one. Then we headed to Tyler's for a scary movie night. There we hung out with people, i smoked my first cigar, and we watched Paranormal Activity 3. Then me and Deric headed out and went home.
Saturday: The LONG day. Deric had to wake up at 9 so he could help move his aunt's stove so him, his mom and Jim left for a good hour and i was by myself. I wanted to keep sleeping but Jim's dog, Freedom, apparently unknown to everyone barks and barks and howls when no one is home...try sleeping with that. So i started to get ready while talking to the dog. Then they came home and me and Deric headed to the beach where his grandparents did their renewals. I was dragged into the water by Deric and his grandma. Fun stuff. But then we headed to their house for the pig roast where Deric had to carve the pig, which wasn't too bad just messy. We had a good time. From there i had to go meet up with the girls real quick to take a picture then we headed to the mall really quickly and then his Aunts house for a bonfire. We didn't stay too long because we were both exhausted. But that was nice too.
Sunday: Tubing day! We got a text from Eric in the morning saying he didn't feel well so he wasn't going. That isn't really why he didn't go but we'll say it is. But luckily Danny went so we had a blast with him, Bill, Andrew, Erin, and Mike. We even saw a bald eagle. Yeah, a real wild one. SO cool. After that we went shopping for our food and got everything ready for the morning, we even got Chinese and ate at the beach where we saw none other than Eric and Corine. Then we just chilled for the night though.
Monday: We went camping. Met at his grandparents house where we then followed his grandpa up to the property. It was a long but fun drive because i had my new Florance and the Machine CD. But we got everything put together, put our stuff away and got settled at the property. I even went skinny dipping for the first time. A lot of firsts this week. There was also a thing with llama, but i wont say what that was. But a huge storm rolled in that night, like HUGE. But we were in the 5th wheel and comfy. I even found a toad that day.
Tuesday: Hung out all day, cooking, talking, swimming, tanning, just having fun. Its nice not to wear a shirt for like 4 days, there's a freedom to it. Deric made steaks that night but must have cooked his wrong because he got sick that night poor thing. I found another toad that day.
Wednesday: Packing cleaning and getting ready to leave. We found green frog. Had a long but nice drive back and made it in great time. We showered, unpacked, shaved Deric's head, and went to grandma night. Then we hung out for a little bit till i went home.

And that was our vacation. I loved every minute i spent with him, so amazing. Well worth it and a great week.