Today, Tomorrow, The Week

Today was a good day, Deric spent my lunch with me and we went to Taco Bell and ate yummy food. I'm still kinda feeling yucky from my tubing trip because i had a little more than i needed to to sip. I have the shittiest tolerance nowadays. It used to be like water now its like fire in my tummy. It sucks. I want to be able to so when I'm 21 i can actually have something and not get sick from it. My body might not be able to handle it anymore or something happened and its like, hell no! Never again....cause that's what it feels like. I know that on our tubing trip on Sunday there will be nothing happening for me because i don't want to get sick and ruin our vacation....i would never forgive myself. With that in mind our vacation is gonna be a blast! Thursday is Envy...heck yeah...I've been dying to go. Friday is my tattoo touch up and the new one, Tyler's play and possibly scary movies. Saturday is Deric's grandparents 25th anniversary shin dig, it should be fun. Then Sunday tubing again and then heading up to the property. Sunday evening till Wednesday is camping. Just me and Deric, hanging out, exploring, cuddling under the stars, having fun, i can't wait for it. It's gonna be SO much fun! 3 days!

Pretty Fun Days

So a couple of days ago i spent the night at Deric's. We were going to have a picnic if weather permitted, but like always in Michigan, the weather hates you so it was like down pouring so instead we made dinner and ate it at home, but not just any dinner, it was a steak dinner. Made by none other than my amazing man. It was delicious. Then we watched Phantom of the Opera and cuddled. We fell asleep and it was a good night. When we woke up we just chilled and talked and took a shower. Then, of course, i get the feeling like I'm gonna pass out and puke my guts up. I don't really understand why this happens to me cause it never has really happened before. The only thing i can think of is that it's because i wake up and don't eat for awhile so something goes amis in my body and makes me feel like that. I really need to talk to my docter about it. It concerns me a little. But other then that it was a great day with Deric.
So then today i went tubing with my friends. Eric, Corine, Danny, Linda, and relatives of Eric went. I got burned but overall it was pretty enjoyable. A few things bugged me about it though like the little kids that went along and kept pulling us towards shore. It was fun but i really wished Deric could have come along, i like being able to spend time like that with him. Next time though, next time.

8 Days Till Heaven

8 days, 8 days, 8 days.......yay yay yay. I'm so pumped and excited. Our vacation is gonna be a blast. Just me and Deric hanging out and being cute and awesome. And tomorrow we get to hang out together because we both have it off. Yay. Maybe we'll do the beach or who knows. I just want it to be fun and cute and happy....maybe a picnic. 0_0 Yeah...i like that idea. I have work days up the shit before hand...but i can do it, i can do anything. I'm that awesome. I'm just happy right now after being so frustrated earlier about my damn car. But nope, not gonna stay like that. I have crafty ideas for a present for Deric that's super fun and I'm excited to do it. My moms going to do something like it to because she wants to do it to. So pumped. Plus i just want night time kisses when I'm asleep again and cuddles and hugs. They make me feel happy and loved and safe. Like i have a wonderful warm blanket around me that's actually a loving person who adores me like i adore him. Can you tell I'm a little hyped right now? lol. Oh and something that i did earlier, i was listening through my voicemail so i could delete the stupid ones and voice mails from Deric came up and in the split second his voice popped up i felt very happy. It was soothing and i felt comforted and everything...just from the sound of his voice....it probably helped to that they were of him saying he loved me...but it was so nice. I cant wait for Thursday.

I Couldnt't Ask For More

Last night meant the world to me....even though we weren't able to do what i wanted to do....it was wonderful. Its the little things that mean so much to me. I guess, what I've been feeling lately is that i was kinda left out and feeling slightly unloved. But, i don't feel that way anymore. Deric is trying his best and that's all i can ask for. We walked the pier and saw the sunset which was nice, then we went and got food at Meijers and headed back to his house. We watched a movie and cuddled. Then we fell asleep and though out the night whenever Deric woke up he would kiss me. I woke up for a few of them, and i honestly was blown away. It was the nicest, cutest, most wonderful and simple gesture that anyone has ever done for me. It is a memory that will forever stay in my mind. Then there was a moment when i cuddled up to him and i think my shoulder was out of the blanket and he covered it up. Just little things like that i adore. Deric is the best guy in the world and i shouldn't get annoyed with him for stupid stuff like i was yesterday....that isn't right and he doesn't deserve that. So like him, I'm trying my best to to also do things better and be just happy to be with him whenever i get the chance. I think our vacation is going to really help us out, its just going to be us and us alone. I love Deric so much and i couldn't ever ask for more.

Turmoil

Feeling lonely with my mind in turmoil.....and this damn ibuprofen ain't working, i think I've become immune to it i swear.....must try Advil next.

Nut Shell

This is kinda a downer from my last post. lol. But I'm just kinda in a blah mood right now. Kinda bumbed, kinda bored, kinda lonely, kinda happy but kinda not, in pain with both my back and knees, undecided, wanting to have the time I'm looking for. There's a lot of reasons for these feelings. The pain is a no brainer though, works killing my knees and my bed is killing my back...or at least sitting/laying for long periods of time kills it. Undecided because i don't know what to do on Thursday now, Deric's going tubing with his coworkers and some of their friends then, its his day off and one of mine, so the bumbed part is coming in because we don't get days off together often and hes going to be gone all day on this one, we were going to go to Envy after he got back....I'm hoping he isn't too burnt out to do something when he gets back....but its 70's and 80's night and he said he wasn't really sure he wanted to go because he'd feel weird and i don't like going and doing something if he isn't going to have as much fun as he could. He suggested a movie...but personally....I'm not really sure i want to go see one because i want to do something with him that we can interact with each other. I don't want to sit and have to be quiet for a super long time and not get to really BE with him. So you can see why I'm undecided. The happy but kinda not stems from all that. Lonely because, well, even though there are 5 people in my house....it gets lonely. It really does. And wanting to have the time I'm looking for is just getting to be with Deric, which is why I'm glad our vacation is in 16 days. Its gonna be a blast. Now, I'm happy that Deric is going tubing, he deserves it because like he said...he doesn't get out and do much like he should. I know hes gonna have fun to which I'm happy about, and around noon that day I'm going to the college to garden...i guess its the garden club and my bio teacher invited me to join so i figured why not? It gets me used to the college before i start and i meet new people and have fun. So I'm looking forward to that. And hopefully ill have my car back that day or the day after...i miss it so much. I went to get some things out of it and it was sad to see it just sitting there. Its like a child. lol. But hopefully Deric gets back from tubing before the time we had said he will hopefully be back by, which was 9. Cause i mean just this once, when hes done tubing and heads back to Eric's house, id like it if he didn't chill there for awhile cause Eric already had him like the whole day....and i want to see him too. So I'm hoping he does get back before 9 so we can actually do something. But yeah, that's how i feel right now in a nut shell. Oh, and I'm also waiting for my AP scores to come in because i have to switch some classes but cant till they show up....which they better freakin do soon!! I want them! Haha. So, I'm hoping this post didn't/doesn't sound bitchy/whiny/anything else like that now that I'm thinking about it, cause it isn't meant to. But i think thats all...i think...i may be wrong....but i think im gonna end this post now....so goodnight world. ^-^

Keeping My Head High

Well, life doesn't always go the way you want it to...and that's definitely my life at the moment. My car needed the few repairs that it came with and also the coolant leak....but then it all when wrong when we here in Muskegon are getting 100+ degree weather...its hotter than Florida here....and we are trying to get my car to the mechanic and it overheats....and blows a head gasket. So...a max of $300 repairs for me turns into a grand worth of repairs. Ill get the car back next week.....and have like no money left...even in the bank. Which for me is weird...cause i have things i gotta pay for and I'm kinda nervous about things. I did freak out a little bit about it at first....but I'm learning to relax and not worry about things. So, I'm dealing with things and taking it as it comes. Yeah I'm paying another grand for a mistake i made, but it isn't the end of the world. Ill still have a car and i have a job that'll help me bring my bank account back up. I have a boyfriend who supports me and loves me and helps me to relax. I have things to be happy about. There is no need to freak out about one thing when you can be happy about so much more. Plus me and Deric's vacation is coming up here soon. Less then 20 days. Yay. Plus on the 27th I'm getting my hip tattoo touched up PLUS I'm also getting a peace sign tattoo behind my ear. I'm so PUMPED. I really cant wait and I'm heading on into the world with my head held high.

Learning

I feel like I've learned a lot about myself in the past few days. Mainly from me and Deric's long talk last night. Some parts of it scared me, mainly because things were hit so dead on that i didn't understand how anyone could see that or know that just from talking to me. I also know that i am a strong woman. I can go through life and do anything and everything that i want to. Once my mind has been set, it happens. If anyone doubts me or tells me that im not good enough, then fuck them. They know nothing and are not worth even looking at or caring about. Memories need to be concured and not locked up and thrown away because that makes them burn you alive and even become so tainted that you forget them completly. As i have some memories, but i know how to handle them if they ever resurface now. I also know now that saying you can't live without someone is a scary thing to say and the wrong way to say something. It's, I don't want to live without you, ever. I'm learning a lot...and all i can hope for is that the future is a happy one and goes the best way possible and that the people i love are still with me. That's all i can hope for. For know though I'm going to live my life and be happy and I'm going to treasure every moment that i have with people.