Clopening

That means i closed tonight and gotta be back at 6 in the morning! Yoot! Not really.....it sucks big time. That and Lilly is screaming upstairs and going nuts so it makes it hard to fall asleep when i need to be up in about  6 hours. Im afraid i wont wake up....that freaks me out cause ill be late and in trouble. :/

Life's A Bitch

Not in a good mood at all today. Just fuck everyone and i mean everyone. Not happy with a single person and i mean that. For one, my group presentation was supposed to be like 25 minutes and we barely hit 10 so i know im gonna get a not so good grade on it when i did all the damn work and got stuck with the Liam who made things impossible to do because he was so distracting. I'm just angry about that. Then my aunt told me about a job fair thing that Deric should go to from 1-4 on Laketon, so right near Scrib's. I called Deric to tell him about it and so he could go. Deric is normally on top of things and ready to try and get another job and ambitious. Apparently not today, like seriously not today. Excuse after fucking excuse. Too tired, not prepared....i gave him like 4 hours to prepare......it would not be a very good group of people blah blah blah. I'm pissed right now. Work is all hell and busy as fuck and i have no coverage and people are getting angry. I come home my mom keeps asking me these stupid questions and acting dumb and its making me angry. I am just so fucking pissed today at everything. Nothing has really made me be like yay life is amazing today. Lifes a fucking bitch.

Chemistry My Ass

God i hate this class. I fucking hate it. I'm good at chemistry and yet somehow....i keep flunking my tests and doing terrible. I have an 84 in the class...not the A i always hope for. But i have good grades in all of my other classes except this one. It sucks because i try damn it and my professor makes it impossible to do well. And i have him AGAIN his summer for online class. GAH! My GPA is gonna tank all because of this guy. I am pissed. This summer ill just have to work my ass off and do SUPER good and show him i know what the hell I'm doing. I am officially done with Political Science, no final there because i went to the Silversides and did a paper. I ended with a 97 in the class. Hell yeah :) I loved that class, the professor was the best one i have had yet. He knew his stuff and he made us work. And i loved it. I accomplished stuff and he congratulated me on doing so well, that made me feel really good. I know I will end with an A in humanities. At first i liked that professor....but right now i don't really like him. He makes fun of me for doing well and does so in front of everyone else so they all think I'm some goody two shoes and a suck up and they whisper. It makes me want to curl up into a ball and disappear but obviously i can't do that. I have no clue what my grade is in Theater. Last i knew it was an A. I have my final for that tomorrow, which i hope we don't get screwed over on which i feel like we will because my group got stuck with someone terrible. My chem lab i have an A, that one i can see on Blackboard. So all A's and hopefully a B. I close tomorrow at work and open the next day...aka fuck me. Then seeing Wicked on Sunday!!!! Then i have a final at 8 a.m on Monday which ill be exhausted for and i made a personal trainer appointment at the Omni at 1 that day too cause i don't know how to use most of the machines. Tuesday i have an oil change and Wednesday.....the chem final. Duh Duh Duh. Gonna study my butt off.
Then i keep thinking about things and its making me nervous....for no reason I'm hoping but i'm like what if and i freak out. I'm kinda hopeless here. I wanna sit and relax, not do this finals crap, get a foot rub or shoulder rub, the works. Not freak out about school. I finally have come to terms that i am indeed a perfectionist when it comes to school...other things i don't necessarily care about. I'm ready for a nap already

Holy Cow

Got so much to do and so little time. Exams next week and this week. Two tests tomorrow. Got a lot of shit to do.

Oh Everything

Weird ass day today. So many ups and downs. I know i have some mental problem but i just am too afraid and too stubborn to figure out what exactly it is. I hate the idea of having a problem like that, I don't want to be someone who has a problem, for once in my life i would love to be normal. I have always had a million doctors and a million tests because i had a problem that they still never really figured out. They just gave me an answer because they couldn't figure out a legit thing. I don't want a mental problem, i don't want to see a therapists, i don't want to take any more pills. I want to be normal. But with everything going on in my life right now....fuck.... normal is impossible to do.
Maybe that's why i always need things to change, on me that is. I add color to my hair, i get piercings and tattoos, i try to change up my fashion a bit. I like things like that to change because it makes me feel good. In my life i have gotten used to change because i had to. Come live at my house, things change every day.
Today has been kinda rough to. I am sore just about everywhere that matters. Aka my ass and my legs. I kinda do a lot with those on a day to day basis. My period supposed to be this week and my boobs hurt like a bitch, i mean they KILL. That and you know, i joined the Omni.....best idea ever.....and i started gaining weight so I'm like, ok, cool. I wanted to gain a few pounds anyways. I seem to keep gaining and i keep trying to flatten my tummy and its just not working. I think i was gaining muscle weight which isn't bad at all...but idk anymore. I have two tests this week and finals next week so i have to get ready for those and i have to right a paper for Political Science in place of my final....thank god i don't have to take that.....and i have a final on friday in my theater class that my professor royally screwed my group over on. Now it seems like I'm doing everything because, no offense, my groups kinda dumb. I have faith in them, but I'm still screwed. 

FUCK ME

I dented my car like a dumbass. My luck just keeps getting better, i bet tonight ill get bitched out by someone cause my luck is just that good. NOT

Terrible Terrible Luck

I have had the worst of luck today. First i forget my paper at home and the title page. Then i think to myself, well i can print out a new one cause i brought my laptop with me and ask for a new cover page which he will hopefully give me. Get on the laptop and realize....i did this on the other one. Fuck me. So i have to go home because it was due today. So i go get it and come back and turn it in before class starts. Then our professor comes in, says he doesn't have time to look at them so they are due Thursday....GAHHH. What the fuck....I go home, try to work on homework and can't download something for a graph i need for tomorrow. Frustrated. I go to work, spill paint, accidentally paint the phone, and leave my purse at home. Terrible terrible luck for me today.

Perpetually....

I feel empty inside, void of emotions. Yet i feel perpetually sad or angry. I don't like it. I don't like acting this way or feeling this way. I want to be me again, happy. I don't know what i need to make this happen. I am trying so hard in everything that i do, yet i feel like it is getting me no where. One professor commends me for doing so well while another makes fun of me. What they hell do you want me to do? Do poorly in your class, be average like everyone else in there? I thought you would want students to excel in everything that they do. I guess you are not used to that because you make fun of me for it. Sorry i get 100% on all your tests, its called studying and EVERYONE else has the ability to do it. Then another teacher makes it impossible to pass even when you study your ass off. I'm just strained to my max, ready to break. All i want is to relax, for it to be warm out and sunny, i want to be able to go outside and enjoy myself. I want to relax, i want to be as happy as i can be. I just, I don't want to be confused as to what I'm supposed to do here at my house with everyone hinting at me to leave.  I want things to go the way i want them to for once. I don't want to be depressed or angry. I want to feel good about myself. Inside and out. I just want these feelings to go away......

Mildly Down

Somewhat bad day. More like a frustrated day. It always starts when i get home. Work can be frustrating but I'm with people i like and it makes me happy. I get home though and that changes.
I'm feeling down on myself right now to, stupid insecurities and what not. That and schools hard on me. Hard on my brain. It's tired and worn out and it feels like no matter how hard i try its getting nowhere. I do constant homework, constant studying, constant everything. All i want to do is feel like i accomplished something. I want to feel good about myself....guess what isn't happening. I wish i was in a better mood and a better situation. Sigh....

:/

Well, I guess it was not meant to be. Hopefully good things come in the future, hopefully.

:))))

Hoping hoping hoping! Really hoping Deric gets this job. He deserves it and so far everything is going well. He had the first interview and took the drug test today. Hoping he gets the second interview and gets the job. Really hoping!