Was awake pretty late last night and didn't have my laptop on me and i started thinking and needed to write it out so i did in my little journal that sits beside my bed because sometimes you gotta write things out instead of posting them on the interwebs. Certain things i prefer to have just me read rather then anyone. I still need some privacy you know?
Small world we live in...especially if you live in a small town. Some of you will remember Amelia, she used to be my best friend way back when before she became a total slut/bitch/terrible friend. Well, she has an older sister named Alice who recently got pregnant and everyone was like finally because she had pretty much slept around with half the school. Now i saw pictures of the guy who's kid it was but i never put two and two together. Today Deric was talking on the phone in the kitchen and i was standing there and just looking at the fridge and noticed a baby shower invite that caught my eye. The name on it was for Alice ecker and jason anthony. At that moment i was like no fucking way.....jason is Deric's neighbor! I pointed at the invite and Deric read it and got the same face i did. The NO FUCKING WAY face. Such a small world...i can't get away from these people!
I took Gus to the dog beach and he is afraid of the water which sucked because i wanted to go with a fun dog. So I may take Freedom next time or Blossom because she is apparently better not with the water.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
Additional WHAT!!
I also found out that How I Met Your Mother is starting its final season in September. I was like OMG! It's finally to the end. We will finally know how Ted met his wife. AH!
Saturday, July 20, 2013
WHAT!!!!!!
Today has been full of surprises that i like! Two things mainly:
The Crossfire novels that i like just published the 3rd book and in the back it stated that it wasn't the end so i knew there was a 4th book coming out. Today i was online looking at some things and i found out that there are going to be 5 books and the last two are going to be more of Gideon's side of the story! AHHHH!!! I am excited and also irritated cause i want to know how they end because the books HAVE to end up with Gideon and Eva together cause if they don't i may just kill the author.
The Hunger Games movie Catching Fire is coming out in November!!!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!! The first one was great and the trailer for this one is so fucking amazing. I just want to watch it right now cause its going to be so amazing!! I hope the group gets to go...maybe...cause it comes out like November 24th so I'm not sure if we can but i HAVE to see the premiere cause if i don't i will probably cry a little bit inside.
P.s
I stole insatiable from 50 Shades ;P
The Crossfire novels that i like just published the 3rd book and in the back it stated that it wasn't the end so i knew there was a 4th book coming out. Today i was online looking at some things and i found out that there are going to be 5 books and the last two are going to be more of Gideon's side of the story! AHHHH!!! I am excited and also irritated cause i want to know how they end because the books HAVE to end up with Gideon and Eva together cause if they don't i may just kill the author.
The Hunger Games movie Catching Fire is coming out in November!!!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!! The first one was great and the trailer for this one is so fucking amazing. I just want to watch it right now cause its going to be so amazing!! I hope the group gets to go...maybe...cause it comes out like November 24th so I'm not sure if we can but i HAVE to see the premiere cause if i don't i will probably cry a little bit inside.
P.s
I stole insatiable from 50 Shades ;P
Insatiable Apatite
I can't even begin to describe last night so i guess I'll start by just going from start to finish. Well, it got to be later that night and i sent Deric a text telling him to call me if got the chance and he called me like 30 seconds later. He was early out and i didn't know that so we started talking.
After about an hour of talking about dirty things because well, my love has an insatiable apatite and was horny, i asked him a question because he had been talking about things he was going to get me. It was what was his ultimate fantasy....and i got a response that i, it was a response that i could answer before he said it by the way he was talking and it was an answer that i did not like...ill be honest and say that. I know he didn't know this but my chest started feeling really heavy and my heart was pounding. We talked and talked about it because he then felt bad for telling me because it made me upset and uncomfortable. I had to tell him why i couldn't do that....as of right now its a definite no. I could not watch something like that happen, i could never watch you giving that to someone else. The images in my head were vivid, and they HURT. Just thinking about it made my chest hurt. If i ever saw that those images would burn into my mind forever and i wouldn't want that. I would think that you didn't love me anymore or that you felt less about me. I know that isn't true but i am an insecure and jealous person when it comes to things like that. You are mine, and i want to keep it that way. If someone else was involved you wouldn't be mine like that anymore.....you would be theirs to. I would think that you would think about them instead of me and i can't handle it. I can not for the life of me handle it. I realize that you are ok with me not being able to, it was more of an idea and if it were a deal breaker then you never wanted it to happen.
You told me that i am a try hard, a person that when given a problem will find a solution no matter what until i come up with the conclusion that it is down right impossible. And you said you loved that about me. That made me smile. You explained your view on it and how your mind thought of it. You basically said that if you ever saw me doing something with someone else that as long as my attention was still on you you would be ok with it, you think, because you would know that no matter what i was yours until i decided otherwise....i wanted to tell you that you that i will always be yours because i am never going anywhere.
You explained to me that the physical aspect is only half of it and that the other part that really makes you connect with someone is the emotion part. You said that it was mainly with me that you realized that you wanted that connection. You said that it was because of that connection that we are together because if it was just physical you would give me booty calls here and there and that would be all. Hell, you said your grandma thought of me as a granddaughter....i smiled when you said that because that meant a lot to me because i love your grandma, she is an amazing person. You reassured me that you love me and that if something like that ever happened you would still be all over me and thinking about me, even if it were some girl like kate upton. Your words meant a lot but i am still so insecure....i don't feel like it but when i think of things like this i am. I love you so damn much and i really wish that i could give this to you but even if i am a try hard i know when not to do something. I learned that hurting yourself and shattering your world is not a good idea. If your sanity would crumble it isn't worth it to me. It isn't worth losing what we have.
Well after our almost 3 hours conversation Deric wanted me to come over because he wanted me and i kept telling him no because i worked in the morning and my mom was still up. So he asked for pictures which i agreed to. So i send him pictures and turn off my light and get a text that says to open my curtain and I'm like no fucking way. He had snuck over! He finally came to the door and i let him in and he was so intense. I have never seen him like that. I mean...the second i shut the door and turned around....hit by a freight train that is my lovable boyfriend. There was so much everything. He took total control of me and i swear he went 50 shades on me...i understand cause i read the book and it wasn't in all bondage and stuff but in his words. Total seduction. He got what he wanted and made sure i knew that he got what he wanted when he wanted it. Holy damn it was so hot and intense and just.....holy damn. Sounds weird but just everything about last night made me love you that much more. You are the love of my life and always will be.
I love the fact that we compliment each other, everything about our personalities is a compliment to the other. I tend to be shyer and more introverted and you are loud and extroverted which brings out the liveliness in me and the cute quiet side in you. I tend to be emotional and sometimes a cry face and you are strong and like a rock and we play off of that. You have such a high libido and so many fantasies and i am a try hard and am willing to do anything at least once, hell it all works together. You are attracted to me just as much as i am attracted to you. You bring me so much joy, even when we have conversations like the one we had last night that made me hurt, i still love you more and more because you talk me through those things and listen to my side and understand. You are the most crazy, strong, intelligent, proud, determined, and sexy person that i know. Fuck i don't even know what to say anymore besides the fact that this is a long ass post but so much needed to be said. So many things happened and it all ended in feeling so damn good. Damn you are truly amazing.
After about an hour of talking about dirty things because well, my love has an insatiable apatite and was horny, i asked him a question because he had been talking about things he was going to get me. It was what was his ultimate fantasy....and i got a response that i, it was a response that i could answer before he said it by the way he was talking and it was an answer that i did not like...ill be honest and say that. I know he didn't know this but my chest started feeling really heavy and my heart was pounding. We talked and talked about it because he then felt bad for telling me because it made me upset and uncomfortable. I had to tell him why i couldn't do that....as of right now its a definite no. I could not watch something like that happen, i could never watch you giving that to someone else. The images in my head were vivid, and they HURT. Just thinking about it made my chest hurt. If i ever saw that those images would burn into my mind forever and i wouldn't want that. I would think that you didn't love me anymore or that you felt less about me. I know that isn't true but i am an insecure and jealous person when it comes to things like that. You are mine, and i want to keep it that way. If someone else was involved you wouldn't be mine like that anymore.....you would be theirs to. I would think that you would think about them instead of me and i can't handle it. I can not for the life of me handle it. I realize that you are ok with me not being able to, it was more of an idea and if it were a deal breaker then you never wanted it to happen.
You told me that i am a try hard, a person that when given a problem will find a solution no matter what until i come up with the conclusion that it is down right impossible. And you said you loved that about me. That made me smile. You explained your view on it and how your mind thought of it. You basically said that if you ever saw me doing something with someone else that as long as my attention was still on you you would be ok with it, you think, because you would know that no matter what i was yours until i decided otherwise....i wanted to tell you that you that i will always be yours because i am never going anywhere.
You explained to me that the physical aspect is only half of it and that the other part that really makes you connect with someone is the emotion part. You said that it was mainly with me that you realized that you wanted that connection. You said that it was because of that connection that we are together because if it was just physical you would give me booty calls here and there and that would be all. Hell, you said your grandma thought of me as a granddaughter....i smiled when you said that because that meant a lot to me because i love your grandma, she is an amazing person. You reassured me that you love me and that if something like that ever happened you would still be all over me and thinking about me, even if it were some girl like kate upton. Your words meant a lot but i am still so insecure....i don't feel like it but when i think of things like this i am. I love you so damn much and i really wish that i could give this to you but even if i am a try hard i know when not to do something. I learned that hurting yourself and shattering your world is not a good idea. If your sanity would crumble it isn't worth it to me. It isn't worth losing what we have.
Well after our almost 3 hours conversation Deric wanted me to come over because he wanted me and i kept telling him no because i worked in the morning and my mom was still up. So he asked for pictures which i agreed to. So i send him pictures and turn off my light and get a text that says to open my curtain and I'm like no fucking way. He had snuck over! He finally came to the door and i let him in and he was so intense. I have never seen him like that. I mean...the second i shut the door and turned around....hit by a freight train that is my lovable boyfriend. There was so much everything. He took total control of me and i swear he went 50 shades on me...i understand cause i read the book and it wasn't in all bondage and stuff but in his words. Total seduction. He got what he wanted and made sure i knew that he got what he wanted when he wanted it. Holy damn it was so hot and intense and just.....holy damn. Sounds weird but just everything about last night made me love you that much more. You are the love of my life and always will be.
I love the fact that we compliment each other, everything about our personalities is a compliment to the other. I tend to be shyer and more introverted and you are loud and extroverted which brings out the liveliness in me and the cute quiet side in you. I tend to be emotional and sometimes a cry face and you are strong and like a rock and we play off of that. You have such a high libido and so many fantasies and i am a try hard and am willing to do anything at least once, hell it all works together. You are attracted to me just as much as i am attracted to you. You bring me so much joy, even when we have conversations like the one we had last night that made me hurt, i still love you more and more because you talk me through those things and listen to my side and understand. You are the most crazy, strong, intelligent, proud, determined, and sexy person that i know. Fuck i don't even know what to say anymore besides the fact that this is a long ass post but so much needed to be said. So many things happened and it all ended in feeling so damn good. Damn you are truly amazing.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Lets Jump Them Bones
I keep seeing pictures that remind me of you and they are making me horny. I am very attracted to you, just like you are to me. I like that. Means we are both happy to jump the others bones whenever we need it. You are amazing.
Tidal Wave
I just want to give you the biggest damn hug i can give and kiss you and cuddle. I just want to lay around and have lazy conversations and be all cute. I don't know why I'm feeling all this right now but i am. I just want to be with you really bad and I'm missing you terribly and I won't see you till Sunday afternoon which sucks because i want you here with me now. I just want to tell you I love you like a million times and just be as close as i can to you. I love you so damn much.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
My Day Of Days
Well today was a very, umm, odd day I'll say.
For one i went to the doctor, total last minute thing because i called at 8am this morning and they were able to get me in at 2pm the same day. I won't say why on here just cause its a little awkward and i would rather not, but i was correct in my thinking and am now on antibiotics for the next 10 days to help it. The doctor even said she thinks I've had it for awhile which would make sense if i think of a few things. But hopefully it'll be like gone by Monday according to my doctor. That would be wonderful because at some point i can't deal with that crap anymore...
More interesting part was what happened when i went back to Deric's after the appointment. Did not even think that would ever ever happen but surprise surprise! Very awkward moment between us which turned into him mildly complaining about how that wasn't going to happen now before work and he would be stressed and that this was awkward and stuff like that. I kept looking at him and when he went to go get ready for work i just shoved him onto his bed and it went from there. Total girl instincts kicked in. I agree with Deric's interpretation of it. Yes i got jealous, there i said it. I got that way because i wasn't the one he was relying on for that.Yes i was making sure he knew he was mine and that others knew that there was no way in hell that they would ever have him because he is mine, a little odd in my mind because there was no one else physically there, but still. Also i was proving that I'm better then anything like that. And i did and i felt better. Deric is protective of me when it comes to other guys being around me and i sure as hell will be in a situation like that or when other girls are around him just like he is with me. Yup, that's how it is.
Deric had a panic attack at work because his manager is a total bitch and was screaming and cussing him out for the stupidest of things and kept getting right in his face and wouldn't stop. That's the second one he's had in the time I've been with him and both times i can't be there for him and i don't like that. It makes me angry that i can't go and just hug him and tell him that everything is going to be alright (I'd love to cuss his manager out myself as well). I just....gah....now I'm frustrated. Friday he is taking this test thing and once he passes...I"m like 99% sure he will....he should have a job that's much better then the one he has now and hopefully life will get better for him cause that's all i want for him. I want him to be happy.
For one i went to the doctor, total last minute thing because i called at 8am this morning and they were able to get me in at 2pm the same day. I won't say why on here just cause its a little awkward and i would rather not, but i was correct in my thinking and am now on antibiotics for the next 10 days to help it. The doctor even said she thinks I've had it for awhile which would make sense if i think of a few things. But hopefully it'll be like gone by Monday according to my doctor. That would be wonderful because at some point i can't deal with that crap anymore...
More interesting part was what happened when i went back to Deric's after the appointment. Did not even think that would ever ever happen but surprise surprise! Very awkward moment between us which turned into him mildly complaining about how that wasn't going to happen now before work and he would be stressed and that this was awkward and stuff like that. I kept looking at him and when he went to go get ready for work i just shoved him onto his bed and it went from there. Total girl instincts kicked in. I agree with Deric's interpretation of it. Yes i got jealous, there i said it. I got that way because i wasn't the one he was relying on for that.Yes i was making sure he knew he was mine and that others knew that there was no way in hell that they would ever have him because he is mine, a little odd in my mind because there was no one else physically there, but still. Also i was proving that I'm better then anything like that. And i did and i felt better. Deric is protective of me when it comes to other guys being around me and i sure as hell will be in a situation like that or when other girls are around him just like he is with me. Yup, that's how it is.
Deric had a panic attack at work because his manager is a total bitch and was screaming and cussing him out for the stupidest of things and kept getting right in his face and wouldn't stop. That's the second one he's had in the time I've been with him and both times i can't be there for him and i don't like that. It makes me angry that i can't go and just hug him and tell him that everything is going to be alright (I'd love to cuss his manager out myself as well). I just....gah....now I'm frustrated. Friday he is taking this test thing and once he passes...I"m like 99% sure he will....he should have a job that's much better then the one he has now and hopefully life will get better for him cause that's all i want for him. I want him to be happy.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
That Could Suck
You know...i want to be a vet i really really do. But the way my GPA is going...i feel like that could no longer be a possibility. My B in math brought it down to a high 3.6 when it was a high 3.7 before...talk about a drop......which means i have to get like amazing grades next year to make sure i can at least end with a 3.7 which is my goal now. I just, that chemistry class fucked me over, like it bent me backwards and fucked me in the ass.....that bad. I need to start the refund process for the class i dropped because that guy was a total dick and messed me up for my career. Like...what if i apply to state in high hopes and they get crushed by a rejection? I'm scared that I'll spend all this schooling and end up with nothing. I want to work with horses, i really do. I love working with them to begin with and being a vet would mean that i would always be around them. I'm not sure what other careers would allow for that...sigh. I'm just scared that I'll have to completely rethink my life if I'm not good enough for vet school. Sigh :/
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Admitting To The World
Here are the things that are off with me right now.
-Cramping/stomach pain
-Emotions running rampant
-Pain in places i shouldn't have it, adding my ear/head area to the list now :(
-Weird apatite
-And random other things
I don't know whats wrong with me, I know its for sure not one thing...trust me I made sure.....but since it isn't, I slowly getting worried because this isn't normal.
Now, i do not want to say this but i am going to because i should and i need to. With my emotions going hay wire right now, sigh, it makes it so when i hit a low i REALLY hit a low. Or if i get upset it is like way too overwhelming when it never was before. I've been struggling. Not to deal with life, i can do that, but not to deal with it in an unhealthy way. I have been very close to drinking again a few times. Things stopped it each time but i came so close to breaking down and cracking open the bottle and just sitting there with it. Each time i end up not doing that i realize how dumb it would have been to do that again and how unhappy Deric would have been. Talking about it i feel ashamed because i know its wrong and i know if people knew about it they would be angry at me. I feel like that's part of the reason why i don't ever tell ANYONE when i feel this way. I don't like how people would react and i feel like it would be a burden so i don't tell. I don't want to have to go to therapy again, i feel like that labels me, like it means i have mental problems or something. I hate having this problem. The thing is i don't know how to fix it or how to make it stop or how to counteract it. Sometimes when I'm upset or sad even being with people that make me happy doesn't help. Sometimes i want to be alone with no one around me or touching me so i can wallow in my pain. I just....I don;t know what to do.
There. I said it and it's out in the open. I wonder if anyone will notice.
-Cramping/stomach pain
-Emotions running rampant
-Pain in places i shouldn't have it, adding my ear/head area to the list now :(
-Weird apatite
-And random other things
I don't know whats wrong with me, I know its for sure not one thing...trust me I made sure.....but since it isn't, I slowly getting worried because this isn't normal.
Now, i do not want to say this but i am going to because i should and i need to. With my emotions going hay wire right now, sigh, it makes it so when i hit a low i REALLY hit a low. Or if i get upset it is like way too overwhelming when it never was before. I've been struggling. Not to deal with life, i can do that, but not to deal with it in an unhealthy way. I have been very close to drinking again a few times. Things stopped it each time but i came so close to breaking down and cracking open the bottle and just sitting there with it. Each time i end up not doing that i realize how dumb it would have been to do that again and how unhappy Deric would have been. Talking about it i feel ashamed because i know its wrong and i know if people knew about it they would be angry at me. I feel like that's part of the reason why i don't ever tell ANYONE when i feel this way. I don't like how people would react and i feel like it would be a burden so i don't tell. I don't want to have to go to therapy again, i feel like that labels me, like it means i have mental problems or something. I hate having this problem. The thing is i don't know how to fix it or how to make it stop or how to counteract it. Sometimes when I'm upset or sad even being with people that make me happy doesn't help. Sometimes i want to be alone with no one around me or touching me so i can wallow in my pain. I just....I don;t know what to do.
There. I said it and it's out in the open. I wonder if anyone will notice.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Tomorrow Is Turning
Sleeping will not happen tonight. They are all packing and yelling and stomping and i have to be up at 7 which won't be nice cause i won't be sleeping tonight. I wanted to go to the beach tomorrow but no one is in town right now really. Everyone is in Ohio and enjoying cedar point.......and I'm here.....Andrea is working and Livi is watching her brother all day tomorrow. I can't leave the dog for too long by herself because her bladder is terrible. Deric's going to be gone all day tomorrow enjoying himself and hanging out with his bud Brandon. Kayla never responded to my text about Sunday...she texted me back about other things though.....just not when i asked her what she was doing Sunday. Deric will be exhausted when he gets home and i hope he will come over to my house and hang out with me because he can sleep here and not be disturbed and he could even spend the night if he wanted to because no one but me will be here. I hope he does cause i don't want to be alone all day long. I'm sad right now. I really am. I''m tired to. But mostly sad sad sad. Sigh.......
Poop
I'm going to the Omni tomorrow morning, I'm gonna get my protein shake when I'm done, then I'm going to the art fair, then I'm going to work. That will be my tomorrow.
Sunday I'm going to work then as of right now i don't know what the fuck my plans are.
Sunday I'm going to work then as of right now i don't know what the fuck my plans are.
Moody Mertle
Le Sigh. I don't even know right now. Like the past couple weeks ish i have been moody. Like constantly irritated at work or not giving a fuck about anything. Then like everything else i whirl wind but i feel like most of it consists of a slight irritation and annoyance with everything. But at the same time i don't have that feeling. Right now I'm feeling lost and anxious a little and alone and irritated with my family (that happens on most occasions so that feeling is normal). But like seriously. I've noticed it a lot at work when i turn around and start mocking/mouthing off to customers, they obviously don't know, but I've gotten an attitude. Moody as fucking hell.
I guess I've just been noticing new weird things that my body has been doing in that time period as well. Just things that are idk. Not necessarily normal for me. I don't know whats wrong with me right now but something might be but i guess I'll just wait and see like i always do.
Now, since I'm in a mood right now why not vent a little. Sounds like a plan. I'm actually annoyed right now. And upset and lonely etc. etc. etc. For one, people never text me the fuck back. God damn it. How annoying is it that i take my time out of the day to send you a message or a picture or ask you a question and i never get a response half the time! There are people i don't even text anymore because i know its pointless because they don't ever seem to want to talk to me. Like there are very few people that actually text me back in a timely manner/that same day. Livi and Kayla, the only two that do this...and right now Kayla isn't responding so that means only Livi at the moment. The only damn two people that respond to me the same day/timely manner. People look at my phone and are like wow you don't text many people and i want to look at them and be like thats because no one responds to me...not even you! Am i really that unimportant to people cause thats how i feel.
Then on top of that I'm feeling ever so mildly self conscious again. I was doing so well to. Its not bad but it is there and it stems from feeling ugly. I mean, i look in the mirror and i think I'm pretty, but then i see pics of girls with make-up and perfect skin and beautiful hair and i feel like i have none of that. For one i wear no make-up so all my flaws are visible. I do not have perfect skin and my hair is kinda blah right now. I don't feel pretty. Boobs are not even an issue right now cause i think mine are just fine. Amazing huh? I get over that just to get more things I'm insecure about.
It would be absolutely amazing if i could just get away without a care in the world. But guess what? I can't do that! I'm a college student, taking summer classes, and working. I can't just go sleep all day because I'm exhausted, i can't just go to the beach and get away whenever i want, I can't just spend my money willy nilly because mommy and daddy pay for everything, I can't have all these fancy phones and gadgets because i can't afford it, I can't just up and move out of my house because again mommy and daddy don't do every god damn thing for me, I can't go get high and drunk off my ass and party all night long because i have work and school, I can't even just drink because whenever i want to it's for the wrong reasons, i can't do shit because I'm trying to get places and I'm trying to do something with my life. I'm fucking stuck and I don't like being stuck.
Also low and behold miss bitch Amelia got engaged. I find it hilarious because she's ugly, he looks like an orce from LOTR. Their family is so fucked up i dont even know.
I want to just keep venting but i think I'll stop for now cause my brains in a jumble
I guess I've just been noticing new weird things that my body has been doing in that time period as well. Just things that are idk. Not necessarily normal for me. I don't know whats wrong with me right now but something might be but i guess I'll just wait and see like i always do.
Now, since I'm in a mood right now why not vent a little. Sounds like a plan. I'm actually annoyed right now. And upset and lonely etc. etc. etc. For one, people never text me the fuck back. God damn it. How annoying is it that i take my time out of the day to send you a message or a picture or ask you a question and i never get a response half the time! There are people i don't even text anymore because i know its pointless because they don't ever seem to want to talk to me. Like there are very few people that actually text me back in a timely manner/that same day. Livi and Kayla, the only two that do this...and right now Kayla isn't responding so that means only Livi at the moment. The only damn two people that respond to me the same day/timely manner. People look at my phone and are like wow you don't text many people and i want to look at them and be like thats because no one responds to me...not even you! Am i really that unimportant to people cause thats how i feel.
Then on top of that I'm feeling ever so mildly self conscious again. I was doing so well to. Its not bad but it is there and it stems from feeling ugly. I mean, i look in the mirror and i think I'm pretty, but then i see pics of girls with make-up and perfect skin and beautiful hair and i feel like i have none of that. For one i wear no make-up so all my flaws are visible. I do not have perfect skin and my hair is kinda blah right now. I don't feel pretty. Boobs are not even an issue right now cause i think mine are just fine. Amazing huh? I get over that just to get more things I'm insecure about.
It would be absolutely amazing if i could just get away without a care in the world. But guess what? I can't do that! I'm a college student, taking summer classes, and working. I can't just go sleep all day because I'm exhausted, i can't just go to the beach and get away whenever i want, I can't just spend my money willy nilly because mommy and daddy pay for everything, I can't have all these fancy phones and gadgets because i can't afford it, I can't just up and move out of my house because again mommy and daddy don't do every god damn thing for me, I can't go get high and drunk off my ass and party all night long because i have work and school, I can't even just drink because whenever i want to it's for the wrong reasons, i can't do shit because I'm trying to get places and I'm trying to do something with my life. I'm fucking stuck and I don't like being stuck.
Also low and behold miss bitch Amelia got engaged. I find it hilarious because she's ugly, he looks like an orce from LOTR. Their family is so fucked up i dont even know.
I want to just keep venting but i think I'll stop for now cause my brains in a jumble
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