Welcome 2012

Hello 2012, this is a new year, a new part of life, and it is going to be a good one. I just have a feeling. Its gonna be a year where there are new adventures, forgetting what was, and living the best i can. This is a year where i am starting a lot of new things. A new life. I will be graduating this year, going to college, getting into the real world. Definitely going to be scary, but i have great people by my side to help me along. I will be starting a new job to this year at Home Depot, hopefully all goes well there and i get good hours, good pay, and have a good job. I honestly cant wait to start because its also going to start new chapters in my life. I can start saving for a car/be able to keep up keep on that car as well. I will be able to do things, plus i could even take Deric out for dinner instead of the other way around. lol. Speaking of Deric, i cant wait to spend yet another year with him, I love him so much and i love every moment that i get to spend with him. I hope our years together just keep getting better and i hope that 2012 is great cause i have some good feelings about it. My New Years resolution is also something that is going to help me so very much. It is to forget the past, let it go, forget what it did to me, learn from it yes, but what it did, i wont let it affect me anymore. Things like my boob insecurity, i will do my best to love them for what they are and to not be insecure about them. I mean, Deric loves them and thinks that they are amazing and perfect, what more do i need? f he loves them then so should i because what he thinks is the only thing that matters, not what someone told me long ago. Also things and people of the past that i dislike and those who hurt me, I'm just gonna forget all about them and go on with my life and do my thing. They can do whatever they want with their silly little lives cause you know what, none of what they did or who they are matters. What my true friends think like Livi, Andrea, Kat, Franny, Jaclyn, etc. is what matters. What Deric thinks matters as well because he is my everything, he tells me like it is and knows everything about me from my deepest darkest secret to what i did today. He matters more than anything in the world to me (well him and Blossom) and i just love him so very much, i cant say that enough. So as of tomorrow, my resolution kicks in and i will look towards the future and forget the past. I will be starting something new, a new year, an even better year. I don't know why, but i have really good feelings about 2012...even though the worlds supposed to end and all....i still have some good feelings about it and i honestly cant wait for it to begin. So Happy New Year!

Those Lovely Days

So the next few days are going to be fun. Tomorrow the group is heading to a restaurant to have a random dress up and go out to eat day. Then we are going to hang out and just talk and watch movies and stuff. Then i am pretty sure that the girls are giong to have a sleep over at Kat's house cause we need one big time. So that will be pretty fun, looking forward to it. Then Thursday i am basically going to spend the day with Deric. We are going to have dinner at his house then go to Envy again. Its going to be sooo much fun! I have a great outfit to wear and im gonna look good. Then i get to spend the night at Deric's house again. Its going to be a great great day. I'm gonna get to spend the day/night with the man i love.

Merry Christmas 2011

I had a very nice Christmas this year. It had some moments in the morning but other then that it was very very nice. Deric got his controller and i got my digital picture frame. Still need that picture i have been wanting for awhile though. I can try and get that tomorrow though. But it was just a very nice Christmas with his family and mine. This is a pretty short post for Christmas but i mean, what else is there to say? I am happy, content, i have a wonderful guy in my life who makes me feel amazing and i love him more than anything. I think that in itself says it all. So Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.

A Memoir

So you know how sometimes unhappy thoughts get into your mind, like all the things that just upset you and you don't like? Things that make you angry, people you dislike/hate, just bad memories in general, etc.? Well, kinda happening to me right now, so i have decided to do a little memoir thing about me and Deric when this happens so that i can remember everything good and get this annoyance and anger and just not good thoughts out of my head. So here goes:

-Deric and I's first kiss, it was cute, shy, adorable, its an amazing memory.
-When Deric told me that he still liked me after 2 years (this is before we started dating), i never knew something like that was possible.
-When Deric told me he loved me, it was on my birthday, he had said that he always seemed to say it too soon/really early in a relationship but he didn't care because he loved me and he wanted to say it.
-A night when me and Deric walked the pier and sat on the rocks, it was clear, calm, warm, and we were so happy to be in each others arms. Someone even started lighting fireworks on the beach, no joke, and it was truly magical.
-When me and Deric cuddled on his couch after my school registration right before we started dating, i have never felt something so right before, Deric was perfect.
-Deric going to the beach with me all summer long and me and him really getting to know each other and being best friends all that summer, its when i started to really like him, and then love him.
-Camping with Deric up at his grandparents property, laying under the stars and just talking and watching so may shooting stars go by.
-Deric always calling me from work every single day, means so much to me. He wants to talk to me and it just makes me feel loved and important.
-When Deric told me that i am absolutly perfect to him. I dont feel perfect all the time and sometimes i dont think i look it, but to him i do. My self conciousness about my boobs and how they are on the smaller side goes away when im with him because he told me that they are perfect, they dont need to be any bigger because he loves them just the same. To be perfect in his eyes, that means more than anything to me because me loves me for who i am and what i look like.
-Every time he tells me that he loves me after we are done doing stuffs, it makes me feel even more loved.
-Every single little cute saying, quote, or anthing in that catagory that Deric has done.
-When Deric went to that first dance with me and every one since
-Clubbing at Envy with him, i feel like i am the only one he is looking at, even if there are girls much hotter than me, less clothed, and having their boobs hang out. I dont feel threatened by these girls because i know that i have nothing to fear, in Deric's eyes i am still the best.
-Every single kiss, hug, smile, and laugh from that boy makes my day.
-Deric kissing my head, its cute
-Deric kissing my nose, its also cute
-Deric being there for me whenever i need him. He lets me cry on him and he never once gets angry at me for crying, he helps me.
-When he came over and stopped me from drinking my life away. Only someone who really cared about me would sit me down and wait till im better and not drinking anymore and make sure that i could get through everything and that i was ok.
-Deric isnt afraid of what i say on here. He listened to what i said about my birthday, he came to the school dressed up with a single rose and playing Hanging By a Moment. He doesnt get afraid when i talk about how much i love him and how i want to have a future with him.
-The night that Deric just cuddled with me while i was passed out because he was keeping me company, warm, and wanted to make sure that i felt loved.
-My sleepovers with him, i love waking up next to him.
-Breakfast at the Cherokee, it make me feel even closer to him.
-Our countless walks on the beach and pier and us just talking about everything and anything.
-When Deric told me why he loved me
-When me and Deric would watch Misfits every Monday, and starting to again, because we both would get so excited for it and couldnt wait for the next one to be out.
-Deric sneaking over at night just to see me for a couple of more hours

You know, this really worked. My mind is just full of happy thoughts now and thinking about how much i love Deric.

I DID IT!!!!!!!

Went to my second interview today...wasn't really an interview, it was a little informative thing saying we want to hire you!!!! I GOT THE JOB!!!!! SO HAPPY!!!! I am proud of myself to, i worked for something, got it, and now i can start moving on in life and actually have a nice income and everything cause ill be making $8.10 an hour. F*** yeah!! I don't start for a little bit though, after the holidays, and after i pass a drug test and they do a background check...which shouldn't be a problem at all. So I'm hoping everything goes well and that i for sure have the job in the bag. But i can finally start saving for a car and for moving out and I'm just so happy.
I mean, that was my really great news of the day. Other then that though, my day has been kinda crappy. Didn't get to sleep in, felt sick earlier which i think is because i hadn't eaten much at the time and i started to feel dizzy and what not, then me and my mom got into yet another yelling match. I hate those and i hate having to deal with them. She kept just being angry today and i just don't like dealing with it.

The Day Didn't Go As Planned..But That's Ok

So, me and Deric headed out to the Frederik Meijer Gardens yesterday. Getting there wasnt too difficult and we made good time. It was really cool, i hadnt been there since i was pretty little so it was cool to go back. We went and saw the Christmas Trees from around the world. So basically trees  been decorated as though they were from that country. The gardens are also well, a garden that has a desert climate and a tropical climate, there is also a sculpture park outside. So me and Deric walked around the gardens for awhile just looking at everything and having a good time. I really enjoyed spending that time with him. I think he enjoyed himself a lot too. The picture above is from the Native American tree which was me and Deric's favorite tree. I had a really good time there and I'm really happy that Deric likes doing things like that with me. It really means the world to me. So after that we were going to head to a restaurant called Kobe, but instead we got terribly lost and when we finally stopped to ask for directions Deric's car started to overheat really bad so instead of going to the restaurant we headed back to Muskegon cause we didn't want to have the possibility of having the car break down in GR, considering we were lost and all. But we went to the mall in town instead. He got me a Christmas present and he felt bad for having the plans go wrong...but i mean, things happen. And at the end of the day we headed back to my house and just cuddled and talked so the day ended well, which in my book, is a great thing. I just love that boy oh so much.

Guess What!

Guess what i got....a second interview at Home Depot!!! Yay!!! Hopefully that means something...aka a real job. That would be so wonderful. I am quite enjoying getting calls from numbers that i do not know because they have been meaning something good lately. So this interview is on Thursday, and i will hopefully have something great to say about it.
Tomorrow me and Deric are going to Grand Rapids and going to the Frederik Meijer Gardens and it going to be a whole ton of fun. Gonna take lots of pictures and its going to be awesome. Then Deric is spoiling me...i sometimes wonder why i get spoiled this often....or why at all....but we are going to a super expensive restaurant called Kobe, it is a Japanese food place and steakhouse from what i have been told. Its a place where they cook the food right in front of you. Its going to be something else.
Also, in memory of Deric's dad who died on this day 9 (?) years ago...i may be wrong about the years ago part but thats what i got from Kyle so blame him if i am wrong...if you read this just take a small moment of silence for him. From what i have been told he was a great guy and was extremely loved by his family and has been greatly missed. So take a moment of silence for him and appreciate the loved ones that you have.

I Seriously Wonder Sometimes

Dude, I seriously do. Kinda that put my hand on my head, think about life, then kinda wonder how sane things actually are. I mean, if you are anywhere near my home, you would understand what i mean about the sanity of things. My house is crazy, my mother is insane, bipolar if you ask me, but like you know how the Christmas season is about loving people, being with family and friends, putting aside differences and getting along? Yeah...my mom likes to preach that that's what shes all about but in reality she breaks every Christmas thing. Shes been the most insane that i can remember her in the 18 Christmas seasons that i have been alive for this year. Like i cant really even talk to her normally because some how i do something wrong and offend her and end up getting screamed at for who knows what. And usually it is mainly me that gets yelled at because i am the oldest and all that crap it seems. Makes me really anxious to get a job so i can move out and into a sain house. Hoping i get this one at Home Depot, but like always i go to the interview then think afterwards that i screwed the whole thing up and I'm gearing myself up to not get the job. Even though its only Monday and i can hear from them anytime this week or next, for things like this though i find it better to agree with the negative. So all this stuff has made me not in the nest of moods for this season, but I'm dealing as i will. PLUS there is like a HUGE chance that there will be no snow for Christmas, that's putting me in a very dark place right now according to Deric. It made me laugh, but yeah i am rather upset by this cause i want the snow. I love snow, i want to play in it and just sit at night looking at the stars while laying it in and watching the big flake fly down in the peaceful silence. I actually really want it to snow. But on a positive note, me and Deric are going to GR on Wednesday for a date day and we are going to the Frederik Meijer Gardens to see their Christmas trees from around the world things. It's my Christmas present from him. I think that will be a lot of fun. I hope Deric's doing ok though, he has been a bit outta it the past few days, mainly today, he asked me to explain but i wasn't sure how, finally thought of it, he seems really distant, like there is something on his mind or something else but not sure what that it. It could be he just has gotten too much sleep or not enough, not really sure, but i hope he is alright cause he means the world to me. But for now i am going to bid you all goodnight cause its like 1:30am and i need to be getting to sleep if i can. I have things I gotta do in the morning.

Look What I Made Today!

It's a Christmas ornament! Looks like something not to interesting right? WRONG! We made them in my AP Chemistry class. This once was a crystal clear ornament, but then we added chemicals to it like silver nitrate, ammonium hydroxide, and potassium oxide(not sure if this one is correct cause i cant remember exactly), but we added them all together and swirled them around and around until the solution turned black then it coated the inside with this silver shiny coloring. Its real silver in there and its like super duper shiny. Its so very simple of a thing...yet i am really proud of it, not sure why, but i am. Though, if any of you know what ammonium hydroxide smells like, and if you don't it smells terrible...like super chemically smell, its stuck in my nose because we were like in hailing it all hour and i could hardly breath at times because the smell was that bad. Every time a take a deep breath that's all i smell. But i guess for now that's ok cause i made this from using it, and also the silver nitrate stained my skin a bit. But hey, all worth it in the end.

Oh Joy, Here We Go Again...

I am just done. I want to be done with high school, I want to be done with this house, I want to be done with people screaming and fighting....I am just so fed up with it all. You know, my house hasn't been all that bad lately, until now. All it has been is screaming and fighting and just bad. Me and my mom have been getting along but when we don't it's bad. I mean, about a week ago she screamed at me about how i am an evil person. Just an evil, bitter person and how horrible i am. Then tonight she just went on and on and on about how much of a bitch i am. Just the bitchiest person in the world and i am never ever nice to her. I think she likes to think that there has never once been a nice conversation between us, which we have had plenty in the past couple of days even, yet they get trumped by our one bad moment. All she does is stand at one end of the house screaming at the top of her lungs at someone on the other end of the house....then she screams about 20 times because they aren't doing what she said to do when she could very easily walk over to that end of the house and address them without screaming. Cause you know what? When i get home and I'm tired, frustrated, have a head ache, and i walk into that...I'm gonna yell to at her to just shut up and go over there and talk to them like a normal person then all hell breaks loose from there and like tonight i end up just crying and hating life. Then after that it all seems to go back to what a normal would seem to be and everything is just fine. I don't know whats wrong with me or my family. I mean, lately i have just been frustrated with technology so it has been making my days a little frustrating and annoying....then i am tired.....then on top of that i have just had some big disappointments/possible realizations when it comes to college and that is a huge low blow for me and i haven't told anyone about it so no one knows and that has made me a little unhappy lately as well. That and i just think my unhappy attitude has gone back onto other people when they talk to me cause they always seem to catch me when I'm a t the peak of that frustration or whatever is happening at that moment. Gah, all i want is some peace really....and life to get on track.

Maybe...Just Maybe

So...I have an interview at Home Depot, its a home improvement store, on Saturday at 1pm. It's to be a cashier and I am really hoping that its going to turn into something good. Like a legit job, do you have any idea how amazing that would be? SO AMAZING. I really want a job.....really really badly. I honestly would rather not work at Frosty Oasis again...its a great place with great people and i am apparently supposed to get hours the second summer you are there....but it always frustrated me. Like, i never was never guaranteed hours there, i was scheduled yes, but they called me off a lot. Which in a sense i liked, but hated more than anything because when you are trying to have a job and an income, that just doesn't work at all. But if I am able to get this job...things will be starting to fall into place. Life will finally be going somewhere, cause it has gone somewhere for a bit, then it got a huge blow and fell back to right where it started. But a job would be picking it back up again. Life that needs to happen would be able to start. So, lets hope something comes of this.

Technology And I Have A Mutual Hate

Oh my lord i am going to kick technology in the face. I hate it so freaking much. Phones can stay, those are nice. But i hate it when computers crash and things get lost and flash drives don't work. I also hate how word has like a million versions and there is no universal one so it may or may not work from one computer to the next, that bugs the hell outta me. Then when the printer goes down and doesn't work and then the computer exits out of your important research paper and renames the file on your flash drive so you have a mini panic attack thinking that you lost your whole entire 7 page paper. Technology, you could use a swift kick in the ass. I am gonna be done with you for a bit now because i am so frustrated with you. So goodbye for a little bit, until i need you again for who knows what cause the world doesn't seem to be able to operate without you. Gahhhhhhh

Another Saying From A Wonderful Someone

"I don't tend to pay attention to the weather when I'm around you."

                                                              -Deric

This boy just makes me feel wonderful. Yes i do get emotional over things like this at times because they are just so sweet and they make me feel important and wonderful. I am honestly amazed by you every single day because you are just so wonderful to me. I love you.

Christmas Dance 2011

Well, the Christmas dance went really well. It was fun, though it went by super quickly. Three hours is far from enough time to go dancing. I guess that one night at Envy is making me think this way. Oh well, still had a blast. We went to Russ' before the dance fore dinner, before that we had stopped at the high school so that Mike could see us because he had really wanted to before we went to the dance. Russ' was good though, it always is, they have great cheap food. Then afterwards we headed for the dance. We went in, got our pictures done right away so that they looked good. Then we took off our shoes and headed onto the dance floor. Which at that time was basically empty and we really were the only ones on it. But that didn't mater at all. All i wanted was to dance with Deric, that's all i wanted. Then once more people came onto the floor everything got into full swing. We danced the night away. There were 3 kinda 4 slow dances, one each hour, and each one was great. I didn't mind what song was playing, i just felt so close to Deric, it felt amazing to be with him as he just held me close and just danced with me. I love him more than i can even describe, more than i think i even know. The up beat songs were just as fun to though, just having fun grinding and what not. The only bad things were a really bitchy girl and a friend of hers being really annoying and like slamming into Deric, then another kid who like wouldn't give us any room and ended up not leaving Deric be so we finally just moved cause he was super annoying. Other then that and a few strange things, like a girl who was sideways in front of me going way down when she was grinding on another girl then suddenly straight on going that far down which ended up with her head basically in my crotch and then another girl with her face basically in my ass doing the same thing, the dance went great. Time flew and i really wasn't even getting tired. The only pains i had were my knee acting up, but i was having to much of a good time to even let it bother me. Then we headed back to my house, changed, then me and Deric went to Walmart to get some snacks for the night cause i got to spend the night at his house again. When we got to his house though i was so exhausted. I basically climbed into his bed while he picked a movie to watch and started falling asleep. Deric got into bed and we cuddled and watched the movie. I don't really remember much of it though cause i basically passed out. Then i wok up around like 4 am and Deric was still up and then stuff happened, then we just talked for a bit. Poor Deric had trouble sleeping cause his sleep schedule is so weird, he had been awake the entire time i was passed out. I was kinda astonished by that cause i asked him what he was doing while i was asleep for like 3 hours He said he was keeping me warm, keeping me company, and making sure that i felt loved. He is so amazing, it was so sweet. Deric, I know that you love me and i know that I love you just as much. I love you more than anything. You make me happy every single day, and you tell me that you love me every chance you get, you even kiss me on the nose and on the forehead. Those little things make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world cause i think i have the best guy out there. I love you Deric, thank you for everything that you do and thank you for always making my nights wonderful.

And This Is Why I Don't Get Too Hopeful.....

Well....it was worth a shot, got hopeful, had a new plan that seemed like it would be possible to do, then i saw the requirements.....and they don't apply to me. I really did want to go to Aquinas, but the only way that would be possible were to be if i got yet another scholarship..or many more..or if i could attempt to get a full ride in a scholarship competition that they do. I was kinda excited and hopeful with the idea of possibly being able to compete in this scholarship thing. But they have fine line requirements that i didn't see till now, and unless I magically get like 4 points higher on my ACT score, or get even smarter and raise my GPA to like a 3.7 or 3.8.....i cant even enter the competition. Putting GPA and ACT score together there is a minimum of 61 points needed to enter. I only have 58, so basically i am not smart enough to enter for the scholarship. And here i thought that i was doing really well in school and that i was smart, according to college though that isn't the case. Looks like ill be going to MCC for my first two years of college for sure now. Definitely have a case of disappointment and I'm actually kinda depressed right now even. I always get hopeful, always, and i always end up getting crushed. Could use one hell of a big huge right now. I know I'm retaking the ACT tomorrow morning, but it isn't like I'm magically going to do so much better on it. I'm sad, mainly for the fact that i really thought i could get somewhere in life, things were really working out and falling into place. Now though, they fell out of it and i have to start over. Thank you for accepting me Aquinas, i would love to go to your college, but I don't have enough money to go to you and I'm not brilliant enough to apply for things that will help me go to you. So I'm sorry but ill have to decline. I'm not really going to say anything more about  this to anyone for a long while, even to my mother because i was hopeful and i feel like she'll laugh at me for even trying. I'll keep this info to myself and any of you who read this post will know it to, but other then that no one will. So MCC it is, I'm staying in town then which is good, gives me another two years to figure life out. But...i don't know if they have the classes i need....and I'm just sad about this. MCC is great and all, but i don't know. I want my giant hug.

The Onion Rings Smited Me

So just a recap on the good random things that have been happening lately, besides the fact that the onion rings that i had the other night I'm thinking were bad because the next morning my stomach was a disaster if you know what i mean. That wasn't fun, but here goes with my list of good things.
1. Deric CAN go to the dance now!!!!!! So excited!!! I get to dance with him for a long while and if you know me well enough you know how happy i am about this. I love dancing with that boy. So now i get to wear my dress and it does have a purpose, i get to look nice, and Deric gets to look sexy in his fancy clothes, and i get to dance with him and yay!! We just gotta figure out dinner plans and what not. And even if he can go to the dance...we are still going to Envy at some point. Then after the dance we are on TV for Tree on TLC. So cool!
2. I got accepted to Aquinas! Yay, it makes me feel accomplished and smart. And it makes me want to work even harder in school kinda. But it also kinda makes me wonder if that's just going to disappoint me cause i really don't think i can afford this school.
3. Aquinas did send me a $12,000 scholarship in the mail the other day. Really cool cause it was a merit based one. But i still have to come up with 18 thousand more to go...which sadly, I'm not really getting my hopes up for because it probably wont happen, but i guess its OK to dream. Just not too much cause getting disappointed over something this huge is shattering. That's why life is falling into and out of place, i get accepted, i get a scholarship...but i know there is like no way i can possibly come up with the money to go there, but i would love to go there. I have big dreams, but i don't have the resources to go anywhere with them.
4. I don't have to do the lighting for the play anymore cause Mike is a wonderful wonderful man and understands I'm busy so hes having Tyler do the lights. Thank you Mike.
So there are some good things in my life right now, well, i guess the good but the bad of some of them as well.

Another Thing To Check Off The List

Well Tree is finally over. It was my last one and i think it went mighty well. Its another last thing to check off the "since you are a senior now this is your last time doing this" list. Kinda makes you realize how quickly things are actually going by, its kinda scary. But it went well and i did get to see Deric for the most part all week. Which was nice, and i also got to see Eric and people i don't normally get to see all week as well. It was a crazy week though, i just was off for some reason, mentally, emotionally, physically, i don't really know what was up. I just feel like life is in a way falling into place, yet its falling out of it at the same time.
Physically i didn't feel to well most of the week. I kinda felt like i was fighting a stomach flu or something cause my stomach just felt terrible and it felt like i was going to puke, i never did, but i felt like it.
Emotionally i think i was just super tired and drained from not feeling good so i was a little emotional, plus my period is this week so that could have made it worse.
Now, the mental part was the weirdest of all. For some reason i just felt really really angry at nothing in particular. Anything i thought of i got angry about and i have no clue why. Then i watched a movie the other night and some things kinda made sense from that movie. The rest of this may sound strange, so if you aren't looking for strange you might as well stop reading. But here goes. I would think about the most random of stuff and get angry for no reason, then my thoughts got me upset over the things and people i shouldn't be angry/upset over. I mean i never voiced any of this stuff for the fact that it went away as soon as i thought it. So it isn't like it really went anywhere, but it was there. Then this movie happened. This woman in the movie was angry at her soon to be ex husband because he was an ass, cheated on her and then physically threw her out of the house. She then seemed to expect all men to hurt her just the same. Now, i could kinda relate this to my life. My last relationship really hurt me, wasn't to the degree as this ladies, but it did leave scars. And its almost like i have been waiting to be hurt again, like, waiting for that pain, hurt, frustration, and stress to all just come right back, thing is, it hasn't, and it wont. What i have now is not what i had before. I have an amazing guy who treats me right. He loves me unconditionally even when i am acting a little crazy. Even when i have snot running down my face from crying, and even when i feel like crap. He loves me for who i am, for what i am. He loves me for what i look like and how my body is, he doesn't need me to have huge D boobs for me to finally be perfect. I am perfect to him with the boobs i have. He gets proud of me when i do well in school, he is always happy to see me and he still wants to see me just the same even after we have been together for almost a year and a half now (really need to re-read these things sometimes cause it was definetly been over a year. Fail on my part). He makes me feel good about myself even when i have days when i look in the mirror and hate what i see. He helps me through the problems that i have with going out into the world soon and possibly moving a little ways away (This is because i got my Aquinas acceptance letter!!! Only going to be able to go there though if i can get the financial aid and money to go there, but if i could go there...i would really like to). Which I'm scared for because i don't want to lose this guy, he is everything to me. I couldn't bare to lose him. He likes doing things with me and being weird with me and just hanging out. My friends love him, my family loves him, my dog loves him, and most of all...I love him. I think back on the thoughts i was having and i wonder why in the world i was expecting to be hurt again, probably cause i never knew anything else, but then i think about Deric and just how wonderful he is and i know that i will never be hurt again. I also concluded that Deric is...I'm going to be a little cliche here....but he is my fairy tale. (Got that from the movie to) He is my happy ending. I love him so much.