Idea!!

So i got an idea for a present for Deric, i have an idea when for, probably our one year, but i am loving this idea. I wont say exactly what it is because i don't know if Deric still reads this or not. But it involves a book and pictures and art. Yay!!!! You may have guessed what it is, probably, but in my mind its going to turn out GREAT. I had some really good ideas for it today...but when i finally got a chance to work on it, mainly because Meijers is stupid with its pictures with the whole copy right business....poo on the law...it was like 10 pm. I have school in the morning and something for AP Lang to finish up(another HUGE project). So i have not gotten the chance to start it yet. But i am really really anxious to because from the ideas i have gotten today...i am going to enjoy making this and i hope Deric enjoys it to when its done. Yay for ideas!! They make me happy. :D

Voice Mails

I was just listening to the voice mails on my phone, considering this used to be my cousins phone, i was listening to the ones from her now current ex boyfriend....the ones when her and her boyfriend were really in love. These messages were really...idk....they struck me. They were cute and they really showed that he loved her. The tone in his voice was one that you cant fake, well...the ones from the beginning were at least. It just kind of made me think because of what he was saying to her on the voice mails.(I know, going through the voice mails  probably sounds bad...but i had to delete them...) They just broke up, i don't really know why this time because they broke up before, but from what i heard he seemed to really love her. He definitely made mistakes though and he was faaar from the perfect guy. But, at one point in time i think he really did try. Then i don't really know what happened. But idk, it was just another thing that made me think. I heard and saw from the beginning to the end, and i mean...i could kinda tell when things got interesting because the messages were....different lets say. But it kinda makes you think about what others have said to you and how things change sometimes and how you hope that that never happens to you again. And i really hope it doesn't because what i have right now is the best thing in my life.

In Love

I'm in love with you, deeply and madly in love with you. Everything you do makes my heart flutter and skip a beat. I cant stop thinking about you and it makes me so happy. I can't wait to see you again every time you leave. It makes me sad to see you go because i just wish i could spend every moment i had with you. You always make me soooo happy and i cant believe i have someone like you. You treat me right and you care about me. I love you more than you can ever believe. I think it's more than i even know because i haven't ever felt like this before. I love you, i love you, i love you. Deric, i have no words other than those three to describe how i feel. One day i will find something greater, and when i do i will definitely tell you. Deric, I love you. <3 <3 <3 ^-^

Remember??

Why are you letting yourself have these thoughts?? You know that it would never happen, not with this one. Trust is something that you have here, there are no lies, and you know well enough that something like that is not anywhere near possible. So....why do you let it pop into your mind?
Well, when someone seriously believes it and keeps shoving it into your face, even when you know it is complete and utter bull shit, your mind has that split second of...is that possible? Now, I KNOW that it isn't true and that it never happened, and i know perfectly well that it will never happen. But i have a mind that takes little things and makes them big. A small argument to me is something huge. Why? I really don't know. It what my mind has always done...or possibly slowly morphed into doing because at one time a little argument meant something huge. Why even listen to people, well, not really listen but more along the lines of let them affect me i don't really know as well. It just...is.
Ok, you don't know why you do what you do. You don't know why you sometimes act the way you do. But who really does? My question though, is why the hell are you even letting THAT person affect you. I mean, that is the stupidest thing you have EVER done (well one of them) and you should know that ever listening to them is like listening to the devil. All that comes out is lies and more stress for you. Once was enough wasn't it? Why would you ever fuck your life up again and get involved, even as little as you are now, again???? Like seriously.
...It is stupid i know. But i think that it is because of the fact that whenever that person seems to contact me...even when it is on a good note....they force it down my throat EVERY SINGLE TIME. There has not been a time when that wasn't said or even implied. This person has serious issues, but for some reason they are getting under my skin and sinking into my brain. Probably because of the trouble they cause and how much i really hate them for it, them in general i hate with a burning passion. I mean, who could really be that fucked up in the brain. Of all the people i know it is just them. And i think that it is this reason that they are getting to me. I need to not let it.
Well duh! You know what you believe and you know what the truth is. Don't EVER let someone, especially someone like that, tell you otherwise. You know that no lie has been told to you, you know that you are loved beyond belief, and you know that it will not change for any given reason, especially for a reason like that. Hey, remember that dream you had? Remember that list you gave? Say that list.
You mean the one about why I love him? Ok.
-He's funny
-Has an amazing personality
-Treats me like a princess
-Handsome
-Is willing to do anything for me
-Amazing smile
-Similar interests
-Loves to see me
-Tells me he loves me every day no matter what
-Smart
-Great taste in music/movies/etc.
-My best friend
-Truthful
-Fun to be around
-Energetic
-Playful
-Loves to cuddle with me
-Enjoys the outdoors as much as me
-Loves my dog (Very important to me)
-Loves food
-He wants what i want
-Has the child still in him
-He is everything i have ever wanted in a guy
-He is perfect to me

That's is your list...so why in the world are you ever having any worry? From this list he is the most amazing guy in the world. Why ever have those thoughts?
Well now that i see this, they were stupid thoughts, and that is all they will ever be, thoughts. They wont ever come true because he loves me. He loves me very very much and i love him. What a relief to have these thoughts out of my mind. Thank you. <3

Kinda Slow

Ok, well this wont be long, but i havent really had a good moment to write anything on here recently. There is a lot to tell to, i have had a lot of interesting thoughts that havent been put onto anything. Frustrating for me most definetly because they are interesting thoughts. One was boys vs. girls. How they are insociety and whatnot......veyr interesting indeed because i have to say, girls are MEAN...holy hell. lol. Guuys really arent, or atleast to me they arent. But idk...ill write on that soon because i keep thinking about it and it wont go away until i do. Also, i started likeing a new band called Mumford and Sons. If you havent listened to them before, get off of my blog and go to youtube and do it! NOW! They are amazing!. Anyways...i just wanted to put some kind of update on here for the time being until i get some time to actually put some real stuff on here. So until then. Bye!

What Ifs

What ifs suck, they really really do. I had one today that came out of no where. I was eating and it popped into my head, and i almsot pucked. It hit me that hard. It was a what if that in my brain shattered the picture of my hopes for the future, and when that image shattered, my insides wanted to go with it. I even felt ill for like an hour afterwards. The picture in my mind, everything that i want to happen, everything that i have planned, it all shattered. All hopes, dreams, plans, everything gone. It just shattered. I had to stop thinking it hurt so much. Like, my mind can make something so small seem so big and so amazingly huge that it gets blown out of proportion in my head and it alters my mind for that split second. Then my world shatters. I can just say that what ifs suck so so much. And this one hurt like hell.

Master Mind

I have just realized that i am a total mind fuck if i want to be. I can rip people apart with a wave of my hand and bring them together with the touch of my fingers. In the blink of an eye i can destroy your life. I don't need to be a poltergeist to do so either, i am fully alive. You give me power, i honestly can say that i will probably use it against you. And i have. I ripped people apart, to the point of no return. I brought some together...which i regret so much because it was out of my guilt that i did so and it is now backfiring on me big time. That is how i role if you didn't know. You may think i am a passive, shy, girl. But no, if i want your life to be ruined, it will be in a blink of an eye with the touch of my fingers. So if you are around me and you still are alive, be thankful because there is an evil mastermind lurking in my mind. Be happy that you know me and are not a shriveled ruin on the ground. Such a sad and cynical post, but i just realized it and I'm putting the mastermind into the vault so it wont come back for a long while. Because as much as destroying is interesting...it backfires and i don't like it. So say good bye to the evil mastermind that is in me. Goodbye

Whats In A Name

So today in my AP Gov class we were just kinda going over things when a really strange thought came into my head. I was thinking about my name. I hadn't really thought about what my name was in like a week. Even when people called me by my name, it really didn't register. So i just sat there for the longest time thinking about my name. My name is Kaylee and when i thought that it felt weird. Why? Well does anyone really call themselves by their own name, no. We personally never really say our own name except when people ask. We also have to think that we have no control of our original name. Yes we can change it when we are 18 and all, and your last name can change if you are a female and get married. But when you actually think about what your name is...it is just weird. Of all the billions upon billions of names out there, you got the one that you got know. Well, you got the one your parents liked. I think it's kinda weird to think about..maybe it's just me, idk. But think about your own name, kinda strange isn't it?

PS. So i am going to get the guts to do this, tomorrow i am wearing my glasses to school. I can do this. I don't think i look the best in them, but then again, that is just what i think because Deric thinks they look great. So i guess i should to, right? I can do this

An On The Spot Peom

I love you
I really do
Every day
In every way
The way you smile
And kiss me all the while
You make me feel happy
Never crappy
I couldn't ask for more
For my heart still continues to soar
You are perfect in every way
Always up for anything any day
I will love you forever
And this love will never waste away like leather
My heart is yours
So please don't make it sore
Because I love you
I really do.

So...i wanted to write something but i didn't know what, so i came up with this poem on the spot. It isn't very good...but its something. Just kinda about how I love Deric very much because he is just so special and amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend..I really really love him. <3

So uhh....PROM!!!

Prom 2011 is coming up!! It is on Saturday, and i am soooo pumped!! My dress is really pretty (And i apparently look like a girl from james bond, thanks livi. lol). The flowers have been ordered, dinner reservations are set (thanks to livi again). Where pictures are being taken is figured out, Deric got his tux ordered and we pick it up on Thursday. Just, everything is coming into place and i am SUPER excited. And Deric is being such a gentleman about it. He says it's all about me, even when i know he probably would rather not go he still is because he knows it will make me really happy. I just love that boy. He's the mot amazing thing in my life and I love him so much. And he is making prom something really special, just for me. To have someone doing something like that for you feels amazing. Well...for now with prom everything has basically been planned and everything is set. But i will definitely be posting more soon when more comes up. :)

It's Funny How You Find Things Right When They Need To Be Found

So, everything in my last post was true. I do feel that way a chunk of the time. Not too often, but when it hits it hits hard. Everything i said i feel i do and it does hurt. But, I just read something, it popped up out of no where, but in a way, it was exactly what i have been so insecure about, and when i read it it made me smile. Right now i feel very happy about myself, very confident, and like i can go anywhere and look freaking amazing wearing whatever i want. Want to know what i read? Well, I recently came across this website thing, idk what it really is, but it is all about not hating yourself. Don't ask how i found it, i was never intentionally looking for it mind you, it just happened. Anyway, they just did this post about boobs. And if you read my last post you would know that that is probably the thing i am most insecure about on my own body. Even when i have a boyfriend telling me that they are perfect and amazing, the back of my mind keeps saying no. In my last post i even stated that i feel he may get annoyed with saying things like that all the time just because of the insecurities that i have (Deric, I kinda hope not though because you saying things like that means a lot). I wont lie, i have insecurities, one is where i look at the people a person i am with previously dated and or liked and compare myself to them. Lets just say that that one is something i am working on because it SUCKS doing that to myself because i always find that i never compare and i feel like i am worthless compared to them because they seem to have so many better features then me. Aka...bigger boobs. Well, this post on boobs was one that really put something into perspective for me. They said that every woman should love their boobs because no matter the size you will look beautiful, no matter how small. They said to love them because they are unique to you, you are the ONLY ONE with those boobs, no one else has any like yours. And that made me realize that this is true and that i am the only one with my boobs. They even said that the person you are with will love them to no matter what they look like if they are the right person (Cause only the shallow guys will like you only for your boob size or treat you differently because of it). And i have that. Yeah kinda a stupid realization because it seems like something so easy to realize...but for me it isn't. But this put a smile on my face and it makes me feel better about myself. With this and Deric's compliments, my confidence in myself, as of this moment, gotten very very high and you know what? I think it will stay high. :) Thank you website. Thank you Deric. <3