My Options And My Needs

So I'm not entirely sure what to do about school. Like i have a few different options and I'm not sure what to do....
A: Go to GVSU part time, do my bio major, then go on to vet school (original plan)
B: Go to GVSU part time, do my bio major, no vet school
C:Go to GVSU part time with who knows what major
D: Go to GVSU part time, bio major, with spanish minor, no vet school
E: Don't go to GVSU, no bio major, pursue things I love to do, move up at THD to ASM etc.

There are many more options but it all depends on if i can schedule these things correctly for my bio major at GVSU cause I might not be able to with my job. Money is also a MAJOR issue. I'm half tempted to just get my associates and call it quits for a bit until i can really afford college. Maybe go to Baker and be a vet tech, but possibly just pursue dance for a little bit. Just finally enjoy my life to the fullest. I LOVE dancing. Anyone who truly knows me knows that. Aka mainly Deric and my family. I'm really enjoying the idea of just taking dance classes and getting really good and it. I don't know. I REALLY FUCKING NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE REALLY FUCKING BAD.

Happy Morning

I had a very nice morning yesterday. I had a snow day so no physics so i got to go see Deric for a little bit before work. We just cuddled and he was saying the sweetest things to me. I wish i had more mornings like that. They make me so happy. I love Deric so damn much.

Lost

The last thing i need to do is get involved in other peoples problems right now. Last thing i need. I gotta care about me, myself, and I right now for once in my life. Yes I do care about my friends and i will still help them with their problems. Same with Deric. Of course i will help him if he needs any help. But other than that, fuck no. I have a lot too think about right now and a lot on my plate. I'm scared and angry and depressed right now and i feel like the world is crumbling around me. Everything I have striven for and tried SO hard to accomplish may have been for nothing. I don't know what I'm going to do and I am feeling lost and I feel like i have no one who understands and no one who is even trying to help or even just listen and let me talk about my situation or just someone who is trying to be there. I feel kinda alone right now. I don't want someone to tell me it is going to be ok because It very well might not be and I will not get my hopes up when i shouldn't. I need someone right now. I need someone bad. I was so lonely and sad last night because i felt so defeated that i went and got some of my old stuffed animals out and cuddled them last night because i didn't have anyone there with me. I have not cuddled a stuffed animal in YEARS. So yeah..i had hit a low point.

Pain

Yup, gonna go drowned now. I know it's wrong. I know. I'm depressed. I don't think i can afford college. I get NO help at all. Joy.

Big Universities Can Suck My D**k

I am so damn frustrated right now. Like angry frustrated. Why the fuck can't i get any fucking scholarships cause I'll be part time!?!?!? Because I won't be spending $20,000 a year at some big university so they don't see it worth giving any help to those who go part time? WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK PEOPLE GO PART TIME!?!?!?!? Cause they can't afford your damn college even with scholarships and they don't want to go into tons of debt. I've been offered scholarships but since I'm not going to be full time I'm about 90% sure i can't get them. Or like any for that matter. Cause oh those going part time are only spending tiny amounts of money so they don't matter. Fuck you university. You know....if i can't get ANY help at all and I wont take a loan out i don't want debt....and it's way to expensive.....I probably can't go to GVSU or anywhere for that matter besides MCC or a place like that. I know what i can and can't afford. I know I don't get any financial aid because my dad makes too much. I know i wont really get any scholarships cause well...I'm not full time. I guess I'll have to wait and see if i can afford GVSU. Then I'll see if work will help me at all with school....maybe they will. Someone has to care right?

I suddenly feel like I'm offending everyone. Like people don't want to talk to me. I text and get no responses. I'm not sure why. I don't like how I'm feeling right now. Did I do something wrong?

Se-real and Rugged Beauty

No one else sees what i see. No one else probably understands how i feel. No one else sees the absolute beauty that i see. For the record, I'm not talking about looking at myself.