Mr. Brightside

This song got me thinking about my life and how it applies to it. Its a song about a guy who wants to be with a girl, but she is taken by someone else and he's jealous. He sees them doing things he wishes he could, but he cant and it kills him inside.
How much this relates to my life...a lot i must say. It helps me to understand excatly what Deric had to go through with me. He saw so much of me and my ex, he knew what went on because i told him because he was that best friend whom i could tell anything to, and what an idiot i am for it. How much i killed him on the inside for those two years i will never know, but i do understand and as i ponder everything, it almost seems to kill me for finally realizing what i put him through.
He loved me from the beginning and never stopped. Even when it was times when he shouldnt have loved me for obvious reasons, all he continued to want was me. He stayed close to me so that even if he wasnt my boyfriend he would still be as close as he could be to me. He became my best friend and brother, he was the one who i went to with EVERYTHING..and i do mean everything. What a retard i was. Some things i told him and got advice for killed him, they really did. What i never knew all those years was the fact that i had someone who loved me to death and never stopped.
When i started having trouble with my ex i went to Deric for help, i hung out with him all summer long because i loved hanging out with him. He was funner and in a way better then my ex. And i started to love him. But me being me, i still tried to hold onto the ex, just hoping. I wasted so much time when i could have been with the best person in the world and never had all the things happened happen.
I could have NOT had ungodly amounts of stress, i could have gotten closer to my friends rather then grow apart, i could have done things on my own time and not by the force that they happened, i could have never made the mistakes that i made and the foolish choices. I could have enjoyed my life rather then waste two years of it. I could have not realized junior year that i wasted freshman and sophmore year. I could have done so much more and so much better but i didnt and im paying for it.
Luckily though, i was blessed to have a guy who wasnt afraid to tell me he liked me even when he shouldnt have, a guy who became my best friend and a guy who i know basically everything about so there are no secrets and horrible suprises, i have a guy who loves me and has no plans on stopping, i have a guy who i definetly can see myself being with way down the road, if he were to ask that one little question later on...hes the guy i would say yes to.
The fact that he still loved me after all i had put him through blows my mind...there was so much that i did that i shouldnt be loved for. But in his eyes im perfect..exactly what he wants. To hear this is amazing, to go from someone who kept telling you over and over again the things that werent prefect to someone like this...its amazing.
I just love Deric to the full compassidy that my heart has...and even then it goes beyond. I have something that i never thought in a MILLION years i would have. I have a guy who loves me with all his heart and all i want to do is give that same amount of love right back.