Cracks

I feel as though i am cracking at the seams. and i don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to explain it, but every time something upsetting happens, no matter how small it seems, it breaks me down just a little bit more. I feel like I'm going insane honestly, just trying to hold myself together. It all started when my dad brought leaving my mom up again, but just to me. That broke whatever wall that was holding me up down. Then from then on it has been going down hill. I may seem like i am angry a lot, or unhappy a lot, but that's because I'm trying to contain some form of control on my emotions and not seem like i am having a break down or something. At school the other day it was horrible because nothing seemed to be going right that day, and my body was starting to tremble and i just had to sit and try to just get my mind somewhere else and just breath because i knew everything was fine and that no matter what, i can get through anything. I just, i don't know what to do when i feel like I'm cracking and breaking. To some people i may seem perfectly fine but that's because even if i feel unsteady, i don't need people to worry about me and i need to be there for them also so i do my best to be as normal as i can be. The only person that i feel perfectly normal around is Deric because he never does anything to me that makes me feel like this. He brings the cracks together and puts everything back together, and that's exactly what i need. I was doing great today until Jeroudi was a total dick, biggest fucking dick ever. I work all day Valentine's day and so i cant do anything then with Deric, so i chose Monday to be that day and im going to make Deric this awesome meal that is exactly what he wanted and im going to be the one who cooks it. But then Jeroudi has a orchestra rehearsal planned for that night, so i filled out an excuse form and did everything i needed to do with it and gave it to Jeroudi. They are supposed to be in 2 weeks in advanced and mine wasnt anywhere near that early but i talked to him and he said that it was ok he guessed and i would just have to make sure that i practiced and knew the music well. I had told him that i had not been given my schedule until then so there wasnt anyway to give it to him earlier. So after that i was glad that he agreed to let me be excused. Then right before Collage tonight he came up to me with my paper and unexcused was circled. He had really taken a look at it and decided that it didnt meet the criteria for an excuse and since it wasnt in 2 weeks early it was not going to be excused. But he could call my boss and see if he would let me leave for an hour then go back to make the practice. This guy is an idiot. You cant do that with a job, atleast normal jobs anyway. So if i want to have my Valentine's day i will get points off my grade, if i go to rehearsal i wont have a Valentine's day. But i already bought the main dish for my meal and i cant not cook it cause it will go bad. That completly ruined my night. And i really felt more pissed than anything for awhile untill i told my mom about it and i was angry so she kept joking about how i am always angry and Livi walked up and she started asking Livi about how i am always angry and making fun of me. Thats when the cracks came some more, and i had to walk away because i was so upset. I just, i want to be how i used to be, not cracking. I dont want this to mean i need to take meds or something to be normal cause i dont want to be labeled as a nut or something. I just, want to be me, the real real me again.