I'm Scared

My road is still rocky. I keep having arguments with Deric. I keep fucking things up. I'm scared that I will lose him. I am terrified. I need to really get a handle on my emotions. I need to think before i speak and think about how stupid i might sound. I don't know if I'm tired or if I'm stressed or what but I'm messed up. I have to get back to myself. I'm no sure what i need. I know what i would like but considering there is snow outside that doesn't really work. I'd like to have a nice long walk on the pier holding hands and laughing and kissing and something like that. I would like a vacation where we could go and relax. Please just hold me. You helped a bit today and I'm sorry i was stupid. Thank you for staying with me even though I know i piss you off a little. I've always been afraid that i will fuck up my relationships and right now I'm trying so hard not to do that but apparently I'm not doing a very good job. All i can say is that I love you more than anything. I can't see my life without you cause you mean so much to me. I am trying so hard to figure this out, I really am. You telling me to be careful scared me cause i feel like I'm on a last straw. Thank you for dealing with me. It means more than you know.