Insatiable Apatite

I can't even begin to describe last night so i guess I'll start by just going from start to finish. Well, it got to be later that night and i sent Deric a text telling him to call me if got the chance and he called me like 30 seconds later. He was early out and i didn't know that so we started talking.

After about an hour of talking about dirty things because well, my love has an insatiable apatite and was horny, i asked him a question because he had been talking about things he was going to get me. It was what was his ultimate fantasy....and i got a response that i, it was a response that i could answer before he said it by the way he was talking and it was an answer that i did not like...ill be honest and say that. I know he didn't know this but my chest started feeling really heavy and my heart was pounding. We talked and talked about it because he then felt bad for telling me because it made me upset and uncomfortable. I had to tell him why i couldn't do that....as of right now its a definite no. I could not watch something like that happen, i could never watch you giving that to someone else. The images in my head were vivid, and they HURT. Just thinking about it made my chest hurt. If i ever saw that those images would burn into my mind forever and i wouldn't want that. I would think that you didn't love me anymore or that you felt less about me. I know that isn't true but i am an insecure and jealous person when it comes to things like that. You are mine, and i want to keep it that way. If someone else was involved you wouldn't be mine like that anymore.....you would be theirs to. I would think that you would think about them instead of me and i can't handle it. I can not for the life of me handle it. I realize that you are ok with me not being able to, it was more of an idea and if it were a deal breaker then you never wanted it to happen.

You told me that i am a try hard, a person that when given a problem will find a solution no matter what until i come up with the conclusion that it is down right impossible. And you said you loved that about me. That made me smile. You explained your view on it and how your mind thought of it. You basically said that if you ever saw me doing something with someone else that as long as my attention was still on you you would be ok with it, you think, because you would know that no matter what i was yours until i decided otherwise....i wanted to tell you that you that i will always be yours because i am never going anywhere.

You explained to me that the physical aspect is only half of it and that the other part that really makes you connect with someone is the emotion part. You said that it was mainly with me that you realized that you wanted that connection. You said that it was because of that connection that we are together because if it was just physical you would give me booty calls here and there and that would be all. Hell, you said your grandma thought of me as a granddaughter....i smiled when you said that because that meant a lot to me because i love your grandma, she is an amazing person. You reassured me that you love me and that if something like that ever happened you would still be all over me and thinking about me, even if it were some girl like kate upton. Your words meant a lot but i am still so insecure....i don't feel like it but when i think of things like this i am. I love you so damn much and i really wish that i could give this to you but even if i am a try hard i know when not to do something. I learned that hurting yourself and shattering your world is not a good idea. If your sanity would crumble it isn't worth it to me. It isn't worth losing what we have.

Well after our almost 3 hours conversation Deric wanted me to come over because he wanted me and i kept telling him no because i worked in the morning and my mom was still up. So he asked for pictures which i agreed to. So i send him pictures and turn off my light and get a text that says to open my curtain and I'm like no fucking way. He had snuck over! He finally came to the door and i let him in and he was so intense. I have never seen him like that. I mean...the second i shut the door and turned around....hit by a freight train that is my lovable boyfriend. There was so much everything. He took total control of me and i swear he went 50 shades on me...i understand cause i read the book and it wasn't in all bondage and stuff but in his words. Total seduction. He got what he wanted and made sure i knew that he got what he wanted when he wanted it. Holy damn it was so hot and intense and just.....holy damn. Sounds weird but just everything about last night made me love you that much more. You are the love of my life and always will be.

I love the fact that we compliment each other, everything about our personalities is a compliment to the other. I tend to be shyer and more introverted and you are loud and extroverted which brings out the liveliness in me and the cute quiet side in you. I tend to be emotional and sometimes a cry face and you are strong and like a rock and we play off of that. You have such a high libido and so many fantasies and i am a try hard and am willing to do anything at least once, hell it all works together. You are attracted to me just as much as i am attracted to you. You bring me so much joy, even when we have conversations like the one we had last night that made me hurt, i still love you more and more because you talk me through those things and listen to my side and understand. You are the most crazy, strong, intelligent, proud, determined, and sexy person that i know. Fuck i don't even know what to say anymore besides the fact that this is a long ass post but so much needed to be said. So many things happened and it all ended in feeling so damn good. Damn you are truly amazing.