Admitting To The World

Here are the things that are off with me right now.
-Cramping/stomach pain
-Emotions running rampant
-Pain in places i shouldn't have it, adding my ear/head area to the list now :(
-Weird apatite
-And random other things

I don't know whats wrong with me, I know its for sure not one thing...trust me I made sure.....but since it isn't, I slowly getting worried because this isn't normal.

Now, i do not want to say this but i am going to because i should and i need to. With my emotions going hay wire right now, sigh, it makes it so when i hit a low i REALLY hit a low. Or if i get upset it is like way too overwhelming when it never was before. I've been struggling. Not to deal with life, i can do that, but not to deal with it in an unhealthy way. I have been very close to drinking again a few times. Things stopped it each time but i came so close to breaking down and cracking open the bottle and just sitting there with it. Each time i end up not doing that i realize how dumb it would have been to do that again and how unhappy Deric would have been. Talking about it i feel ashamed because i know its wrong and i know if people knew about it they would be angry at me. I feel like that's part of the reason why i don't ever tell ANYONE when i feel this way. I don't like how people would react and i feel like it would be a burden so i don't tell. I don't want to have to go to therapy again, i feel like that labels me, like it means i have mental problems or something. I hate having this problem. The thing is i don't know how to fix it or how to make it stop or how to counteract it. Sometimes when I'm upset or sad even being with people that make me happy doesn't help. Sometimes i want to be alone with no one around me or touching me so i can wallow in my pain. I just....I don;t know what to do.

There. I said it and it's out in the open. I wonder if anyone will notice.