Le Sigh. I don't even know right now. Like the past couple weeks ish i have been moody. Like constantly irritated at work or not giving a fuck about anything. Then like everything else i whirl wind but i feel like most of it consists of a slight irritation and annoyance with everything. But at the same time i don't have that feeling. Right now I'm feeling lost and anxious a little and alone and irritated with my family (that happens on most occasions so that feeling is normal). But like seriously. I've noticed it a lot at work when i turn around and start mocking/mouthing off to customers, they obviously don't know, but I've gotten an attitude. Moody as fucking hell.
I guess I've just been noticing new weird things that my body has been doing in that time period as well. Just things that are idk. Not necessarily normal for me. I don't know whats wrong with me right now but something might be but i guess I'll just wait and see like i always do.
Now, since I'm in a mood right now why not vent a little. Sounds like a plan. I'm actually annoyed right now. And upset and lonely etc. etc. etc. For one, people never text me the fuck back. God damn it. How annoying is it that i take my time out of the day to send you a message or a picture or ask you a question and i never get a response half the time! There are people i don't even text anymore because i know its pointless because they don't ever seem to want to talk to me. Like there are very few people that actually text me back in a timely manner/that same day. Livi and Kayla, the only two that do this...and right now Kayla isn't responding so that means only Livi at the moment. The only damn two people that respond to me the same day/timely manner. People look at my phone and are like wow you don't text many people and i want to look at them and be like thats because no one responds to me...not even you! Am i really that unimportant to people cause thats how i feel.
Then on top of that I'm feeling ever so mildly self conscious again. I was doing so well to. Its not bad but it is there and it stems from feeling ugly. I mean, i look in the mirror and i think I'm pretty, but then i see pics of girls with make-up and perfect skin and beautiful hair and i feel like i have none of that. For one i wear no make-up so all my flaws are visible. I do not have perfect skin and my hair is kinda blah right now. I don't feel pretty. Boobs are not even an issue right now cause i think mine are just fine. Amazing huh? I get over that just to get more things I'm insecure about.
It would be absolutely amazing if i could just get away without a care in the world. But guess what? I can't do that! I'm a college student, taking summer classes, and working. I can't just go sleep all day because I'm exhausted, i can't just go to the beach and get away whenever i want, I can't just spend my money willy nilly because mommy and daddy pay for everything, I can't have all these fancy phones and gadgets because i can't afford it, I can't just up and move out of my house because again mommy and daddy don't do every god damn thing for me, I can't go get high and drunk off my ass and party all night long because i have work and school, I can't even just drink because whenever i want to it's for the wrong reasons, i can't do shit because I'm trying to get places and I'm trying to do something with my life. I'm fucking stuck and I don't like being stuck.
Also low and behold miss bitch Amelia got engaged. I find it hilarious because she's ugly, he looks like an orce from LOTR. Their family is so fucked up i dont even know.
I want to just keep venting but i think I'll stop for now cause my brains in a jumble
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