Well Tree is finally over. It was my last one and i think it went mighty well. Its another last thing to check off the "since you are a senior now this is your last time doing this" list. Kinda makes you realize how quickly things are actually going by, its kinda scary. But it went well and i did get to see Deric for the most part all week. Which was nice, and i also got to see Eric and people i don't normally get to see all week as well. It was a crazy week though, i just was off for some reason, mentally, emotionally, physically, i don't really know what was up. I just feel like life is in a way falling into place, yet its falling out of it at the same time.
Physically i didn't feel to well most of the week. I kinda felt like i was fighting a stomach flu or something cause my stomach just felt terrible and it felt like i was going to puke, i never did, but i felt like it.
Emotionally i think i was just super tired and drained from not feeling good so i was a little emotional, plus my period is this week so that could have made it worse.
Now, the mental part was the weirdest of all. For some reason i just felt really really angry at nothing in particular. Anything i thought of i got angry about and i have no clue why. Then i watched a movie the other night and some things kinda made sense from that movie. The rest of this may sound strange, so if you aren't looking for strange you might as well stop reading. But here goes. I would think about the most random of stuff and get angry for no reason, then my thoughts got me upset over the things and people i shouldn't be angry/upset over. I mean i never voiced any of this stuff for the fact that it went away as soon as i thought it. So it isn't like it really went anywhere, but it was there. Then this movie happened. This woman in the movie was angry at her soon to be ex husband because he was an ass, cheated on her and then physically threw her out of the house. She then seemed to expect all men to hurt her just the same. Now, i could kinda relate this to my life. My last relationship really hurt me, wasn't to the degree as this ladies, but it did leave scars. And its almost like i have been waiting to be hurt again, like, waiting for that pain, hurt, frustration, and stress to all just come right back, thing is, it hasn't, and it wont. What i have now is not what i had before. I have an amazing guy who treats me right. He loves me unconditionally even when i am acting a little crazy. Even when i have snot running down my face from crying, and even when i feel like crap. He loves me for who i am, for what i am. He loves me for what i look like and how my body is, he doesn't need me to have huge D boobs for me to finally be perfect. I am perfect to him with the boobs i have. He gets proud of me when i do well in school, he is always happy to see me and he still wants to see me just the same even after we have been together for almost a year and a half now (really need to re-read these things sometimes cause it was definetly been over a year. Fail on my part). He makes me feel good about myself even when i have days when i look in the mirror and hate what i see. He helps me through the problems that i have with going out into the world soon and possibly moving a little ways away (This is because i got my Aquinas acceptance letter!!! Only going to be able to go there though if i can get the financial aid and money to go there, but if i could go there...i would really like to). Which I'm scared for because i don't want to lose this guy, he is everything to me. I couldn't bare to lose him. He likes doing things with me and being weird with me and just hanging out. My friends love him, my family loves him, my dog loves him, and most of all...I love him. I think back on the thoughts i was having and i wonder why in the world i was expecting to be hurt again, probably cause i never knew anything else, but then i think about Deric and just how wonderful he is and i know that i will never be hurt again. I also concluded that Deric is...I'm going to be a little cliche here....but he is my fairy tale. (Got that from the movie to) He is my happy ending. I love him so much.
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