Oh my lord i am gonna lose it. I hate my house. The one day, the ONE freakin day that i have to relax because i am not working is the day when no one gets along and everyone screams at everyone for hours on end. I try to do my own homework, relax, just kinda chill and sit for a bit because i know that tomorrow and Thursday i cant do it because i work. But no, my mom is screaming her damn lungs out at Lilly, Lilly and Cameron are going back and forth, Cameron is being an ass and purposefully doing things to tick people off because when he is bored its his favorite things to do, and i get to listen in on it and sometimes yell at them back because i get yelled at for doing who knows what. I wouldn't spend a whole entire hour tutoring Lilly in math because we finished before that and i have a life too, but that was unacceptable and i got bitched out for it. I just HATE this freaking house. Why cant it be quiet, a nice place to do my work, calm, peaceful, why cant it be??? Why is it that all people can do here is scream until they cant anymore? My mom complains that I'm never home sometimes, but can you really wonder why? I hate being home, i hate the kind of environment that it is because it stresses me out. And i don't really have the choice of leaving because i don't have a car yet (hopefully soon though since i have a good paying job now) and its dark out and winter so i cant really go far. I just, i wish i could be in a better environment. Gah...i cant even think straight to type this out because all i can do is hear people yell and its hard to process what I'm trying to type.
To the conversation that we were having yesterday Deric, the one where you said i was more clingy than usual lately....not bad clingy mind people reading this....and you said that it had to be for one reason because the other two reasons were not it for sure, which is very true, the answer i gave you was part of it....but as i was thinking today i came up to the better source of the worrying. I am concerned about how i am going to balance school, my job, and my social life....which is where the answer i gave you comes in. I really don't know how i am going to do it because after school i go to work usually, then i would get home at either 8 or 9 then do my own homework then go to bed. That leaves like no time for me to hang out with friends or you and that's why i was concerned as where i would get time with you in. Then it seems like on the days i am not working i still am...aka tutoring Lilly or possibly doing something at the school..that or i am at home stressing out because everyone is screaming. I am just frustrated and yes im worrying about things.
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